Wacky Races - RACE THREAD

Richmondgal

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Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
2,858
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Car(s)
Still a Hyundai...but this time an i30
Richmondgal: Where's the Espace? It has to be here somewhere. Deploy the magnet.
*Scotty presses button and out comes a magnetic force on the front bumper.*
Richmondgal: Speed now 420Kph.
Scotty: What's that car in front?
*A black car comes closer and closer as the magnetic force attracts them faster and faster*
Richmondgal: Is it-FFFFFFUUUU. Abort the magnet!
Scotty: Why?
Richmondgal: It's Smithy! I don't wanna get blown up by him.
Scotty: I can't, the magnet's too strong to retreat.
*WHACK*
 

darkshark0159

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Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
1,904
Location
Guildford, Surrey, Yoo Kay
Car(s)
Mercedes-Benz C240 W203, British Rail Class 450
"Wadsworth! What did I tell you about shuttering this motorcar?!"
"Really sir, I'm terribly sorry. It's the Australians. They seem to have rammed us."
"Rammed us? Rammed us? Use the rear mounted laser to melt their engine block. I'm curious to see it in action."
"Consider it done, sir."
 

darkshark0159

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Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
1,904
Location
Guildford, Surrey, Yoo Kay
Car(s)
Mercedes-Benz C240 W203, British Rail Class 450
Okay, it's time to engage the secret weapon. Mr. Smythe, you have a package waiting for you... and I expect you to open it.

"Sir, another team has deployed a package destined for you."
"So follow proper protocol and send it to one of my secretaries to inspect it. How long have you been in my employment now? Goodness me, Wadsworth. Give me one reason I shouldn't replace you on the spot."
"Right, sorry sir. Very silly of me, sir."
 

vikiradTG2007

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Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Messages
11,084
Location
The country UKIP is scared of
Car(s)
Working on it
Your secretary sees that it's a box made from lead, so that it's suspiciously heavy. She opens it and sees that all that's in there is a teddy bear. Nothing to fear there.
 

darkshark0159

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
1,904
Location
Guildford, Surrey, Yoo Kay
Car(s)
Mercedes-Benz C240 W203, British Rail Class 450
Dear Team EspaceF1:

It is with regret that we inform you that Emperor Wilhelm Von Smythe cannot accept the parcel you so recently sent him. The Gro?reich Royal Office has a strict policy forbidding all unauthorised items of a cute or playful nature. The contents of your posted box have been destroyed in accordance with this policy.

Sincerely,
The Gro?reich Royal Office
 

darkshark0159

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
1,904
Location
Guildford, Surrey, Yoo Kay
Car(s)
Mercedes-Benz C240 W203, British Rail Class 450
They're disposable.
 

Richmondgal

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
2,858
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Car(s)
Still a Hyundai...but this time an i30
Richmondgal: FUCK! The Monaro's getting too hot at the front! Do something, Scotty
*Presses buttons until*
*WOOSH*
Richmondgal and Scotty: AHHHH!!
Richmondgal: Deploy parachute
*Presses parachute button*
Scotty: Parachute deployed. Predicted destination: One of the beaches.
Richmondgal: Which one?
Scotty: Doesn't say.
Richmondgal: Looks like we'll have to put on the 4WD converter on.
 

darkshark0159

Well-Known Member
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
1,904
Location
Guildford, Surrey, Yoo Kay
Car(s)
Mercedes-Benz C240 W203, British Rail Class 450
(ooc)Mmkay. I'm off to bed. Warp+stealth as usual. See everyone in the morning for the great finale. Good luck competing for second place! :)(/ooc)
 

PaperBiro

Well-Known Member
Joined
Jul 7, 2008
Messages
4,157
Car(s)
a Veloster
Status Update: While I was away

The nightshift was pretty quiet for us, no major developments, we retained our second position for the majority of the race. A small delay came in the form of a tyre puncture, but we were due a pitstop anyways. We did pull a sweet move on Team Scorched Earth at one point:

Clay: "Sebastien, turn the headlamps off."

Seb: "QUE?"

Clay: "The night camera has sufficient visibility. Turn the headlamps off, and activate "proj_ghost".

Seb (looking confused): "Right away."

The Citroen disappeared under the cover of darkness, moving to the outside lane. It seemingly reappeared, those rectangular headlamps gleaming ahead of the Scorched Earth car.

Clay: "Simples. They think we're ahead of them, so they have to slow down to avoid a collision." That gives us the oppurtunity to overtake...

...like so."

Seb: "Clever."
 

Cryptopygia

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2007
Messages
3,604
Location
The Eastern state where you can't fill your tank
Car(s)
Whichever car is still working
Meanwhile:

Off in the distance, a black speck can can be seen. It's closing in. It eventually reveals itself to be a ridiculously overpowered motorcycle.

Jessie: We're baaack!
 

Richmondgal

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 19, 2008
Messages
2,858
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Car(s)
Still a Hyundai...but this time an i30
Once out of the desert
Richmondgal: Hey look, there's a beach. Fancy a sun tan?
*Parks over and starts a beach party*

*Night shift mode on*

(May be really last on the race)
 

Cryptopygia

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Joined
Feb 19, 2007
Messages
3,604
Location
The Eastern state where you can't fill your tank
Car(s)
Whichever car is still working
Jessie:...

This is boring. We did that grand re-entrance for this?

James: Ugh, me too.

Jessie: *"Idea!" expression, then a devious grin* I can fix this. DKADS, prepare to launch missile group one. Target the general area around the lead pack...
 

vikiradTG2007

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Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Messages
11,084
Location
The country UKIP is scared of
Car(s)
Working on it
After the issues that we had last night, we have been miles behind the pack for hours and not reeling them in at the rate we expected. Time for drastic measures.

Pulling over. We're sharpening Michael's chin and restoring Nigel's moustache and Alain's floppy haircut. Martin has gone into Mulsanne mode, and the mechanics have swapped the V10 (which, by the way, was again close to the point of failure) with the Jaguar XJR-12's big 7.4 liter V12, which is ideally suited for the last fast 5-hour thrash to the line.

We've got basically a 1000km race ahead of us. At least we're not as unreliable as a Lancia LC2 now.
 

Cryptopygia

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Joined
Feb 19, 2007
Messages
3,604
Location
The Eastern state where you can't fill your tank
Car(s)
Whichever car is still working
Missile silo voice: 3 minutes to missile launch. 3 minutes to missile launch.
 

vikiradTG2007

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Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Messages
11,084
Location
The country UKIP is scared of
Car(s)
Working on it
We're keeping close to the action, but far enough behind to avoid potential mayhem and calculate eventual detours without hassle.

Oh crap, what was that noise? Damn, the engine's misfiring. This time, fortunately, we have a spare engine management system, but it will still take 10 minutes to connect it and re-compile and activate the source code.


EDIT: Oh my God, what is that in the distance? I just saw a flash... and now there's like OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAND mushroom clouds on the horizon.
 
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FDaihatsu

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Joined
Mar 4, 2007
Messages
1,786
Location
Haifa, Israel
Car(s)
Polol 1.8GTI
A noisy V10 sound wakes me up, apparently I was asleep in the Metro at the side of the motorway. I take a look at my handwatch.


OH FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, I slept for more than 12 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!1!!!one1!

I immediately try to start the engine, but nothing happens. The Metro still has a wheel missing, and on top of that the whole side of the car is clipped - apart from body damage (passenger door won't open), the starter motor is a goner. Oh, COCK! *pulls out toolbox*
 

vikiradTG2007

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Joined
Feb 8, 2007
Messages
11,084
Location
The country UKIP is scared of
Car(s)
Working on it
We have had to stop yet again. This time, it's not for car reasons. We've arrived in a place where there are diggers everywhere, there's a massive hole where people are starting to pour foundations, and there's a dismantled bridge with a Dunlop logo on it next to us. What the f*** are we doing at Donington? Can anybody explain??????? :mad:
 

LeMans GTR

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Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
4,910
Me: Stupid decoy. Fire the portal.

(Portal appears in front of Zonda)

Lara: Time for backup?
Me: um...yeah..sure why not?
(Lara dials her cell phone)
Lara: Hey Natla, it's Lara, could you do me a favour? Yeah just continuously hassle VonSmtyhe with fireballs or whatever, by the way, great performance in Undeworld! Okay thanks xoxo.'

Activate NEMP (Nuclear.Electro.Magnetic.Pulse)
(The car fires a nuclear pulse out bathing it in a soft blue glow and ahhnialating everything around it)

Me: I feel like a Mocha
Car: Please Select: Jivara or Manjari
Me: Jivara
Car: Please Enjoy
 
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