Wacky Races: The Road Warriors (Postponed due to empty grid)

Cryptopygia

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I've decided to postpone the race. I'll probably try it again later in the year. Sorry to those of you who had entered.

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"Uh... Sir? There's a distinct lack of apocalypse outside..."

"Dammit! Well do something to fix this. Call in some set designers! Make deals with North Korea to host the race there! Launch a few nukes if- no, not nukes. Too unwieldy. Just think of something."

"Yes sir!"

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WTF are the Wacky Races?

On Saturday January 12th, at 5:00PM GMT (use a time converter to figure out where that falls in your time zone,) the FinalGear forums will hold the next iteration of the Wacky Races. For those who haven't played, or are new, it is an annual-ish roleplay first introduced to us by Jay. Imagine a mix of the Cannonball Run, Death Race 2000, and the similarly titled Hanna-Barbera cartoon, only crazier.

The thread you are currently reading is the registration thread. You have from now until the date above to place an entry (Just make a post with your chosen vehicle stating that you wish to enter.) On the date of the race, I will post a new thread in the Off-Topic forums, and you will "race" for 24 hours, until 5:00PM GMT on Sunday Jan 13. At that time, I will post, declaring the finish of the race. The first person to post after me wins the race.

(Do be aware that the race thread may be moved to the Game Forum in the middle of the race. If it is moved, check in there, or click the link still in the main forum, which will bring you to the thread proper.)

Cool! What do I race with?

Here's the fun part: you have almost no limits as to what vehicle you can run. The only limit is that it must be a land-based vehicle (ergo, no boats or airplanes, although cars that transform into them are allowed) with a minimum of two wheels. (Of course, no one said that they actually have to drive the vehicle :wink:) As for everything else, there are no limits, from a hokey stock Morris Marina with a piano embedded in it, to a complex prototype racer with 10,000bhp, built with materials that shouldn't exist in reality, to a Miata with a CART engine and bicycle wheels. The only limits are your imagination. Weaponry is allowed, again with no limits. So go ahead, and mount that sentry turret and missile launchers.

In addition, you can have a co-driver, real or imagined, famous or anonymous, dead or alive. Guy Martin? Sure. Nathan Explosion? Go ahead! Your own character? Do it! A watermelon? Why not! Don't be afraid to have funny banter with your co-driver, either.

Consider creating your own team, like Super Happy Go Fast Star Power Racing. It can be anything you want, like a decently funded garage effort, a professional effort with funding that shames the F1 paddock, or a illicit team that steals everything it needs, and is funded by hacking vending machines and digging out change from random couches.

How do I participate, once I am registered?

As stated above, I will create a new thread on Saturday January 12th, at 5:00PM GMT, thus beginning the race. Obviously, you can't actually "race" for 24 hours, but you can catch up with a little creativity. And you cannot say that you warped off to the finish and won. You have to duke it out with the other participants.

What are the rules, if any?

  • You have to participate in order to finish.
  • You cannot be pissed off if someone blows you up, rams you off the road, etc. Remember, this is a silly race, so even your car being a smoldering wreck won't stop you. You can, for example, conjure up a spell, fix your car and continue (Or steal a new one.)
  • You cannot turn the thread into a flame war. Nobody wants that.
  • No images can be posted in the race thread, during the race. Everything must be done using your imagination. Afterwards, and in the registration thread, go right ahead.
  • Have fun, and be creative and funny in your posts. These threads usually turn out to be some of the funnier threads on the forum, so keep that in mind.

How do I be funny?

Some tips:
  • Consider throwing in some drawbacks into your car. For example, your car has 10,000hp. However, due to the weight, the handling has gone to shit, and you have to steer by bouncing off the other cars, a la Gran Turismo.
  • You can always dodge any attacks from other competitors, but why no let them actually hit? In fact, also consider random breakdowns, and funny solutions for both. (It helps, if you actually attack someone, not to say "I hit you," but rather say "I swerve to hit you." This gives the other guy the ability to make his own decision.)
  • Consider also describing the environment. Sometimes, it may feel as though the whole event takes place on a straight desert road. Throwing in something like a twisty cliffside road can help keep it interested. Also, don't be afraid to throw in something like a sudden snowstorm, or the route going through a mall. It's always fun when everyone goes off everyone else for what is happening.

What If I'm not creative enough?

Nonsense! It really doesn't matter how creative you are, any entry is welcome. You have to remember that many of the more developed entries were developed over the previous races. If you look at the first race many of us had relatively simple entries. Even then, most of the fun is the interaction between competitors, where how developed your entry is doesn't matter. So don't worry if your entry is basically yourself, a modded car, and a random celebrity as your co-driver, go ahead and join. (If it helps, quite a few previous entries were just that, and you still have just as much of a chance at winning as everyone else.)

Can I join up with another member/competitor?

If it's two members joining up for the same team, a la Gman-333x-Ferrari and LP, then yes. If it's two teams joining together, a la KUIPER Racing (PaperBiro) and DSRacing (me), then no. The latter is because when we did that, it eventually ballooned out of control, and eventually hurt the Race more than it helped. Of course, it may have also been due to the "rivalry" we had with VonSmythe Industrie (DarkShark0159,) but I'm going to play it safe.

What do I win?

The thrill of victory, and a date with the lovely Miss Carmelita.

The whole event is really not about winning, but having fun.

What is the whole point of this anyway?

Several years ago, Jay participated in an online Wacky Race on another forum. He called it "by far the funniest bit of internet participation I have had. It was also pretty neat when people start getting creative...they would pretend to break down, have sub stories during the race, dialog with their co-driver, you name it."

A couple of years later, he introduced it to us. The world has never been the same.

Do you have any examples for me?

Indeededo...

Spring 2008: Registration, and race.
Winter 2009: Registration, and race.
Summer 2009: Registration, and race.
Winter 2010: Registration, and race.
Winter 2010 Part Deux: Registration, and race.
Winter 2012: Registration, and race.

These are also good for learning the history of the race, if you want, but that isn't necessary.

NOW GET STARTED.

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The FinalGear Wacky Races 2013 Post-Apocalyptic Hunt for Fuel* participants are:

* Lightning Count - BMW M5
* vikiradTG2007 - Dacia 1310 || Nicoale Ceaucescu's ghost - Co-driver who wishes all of you success in this ra-- Why are you booing me again?!
* Made in Trollh?ttan - Lada 2103 || Q - Co-driver
* conan_murder - 1984 Triumph Shitbox
* Lupin_IV - Bricklin SV1
* Matt2000 - 1965 Commer FC
* Richmondgal - VW Golf MkII
* CAPT_Howdy - Pinzgauer
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*Or to the gas station of our choosing, since there is a surprising lack of fuel shortages.
 
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Lightning Count

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I feel it is time I finally entered so here I go.

My car will be an E39 BMW M5 modded Bond style, unfortunately the person who did the modifications was about as good the TG three in his skills at modifying cars.
Mechanically the car is sound, but the complex electronics which control the various gadgets are prone to malfunctions or in other cases flat out not working.
 

Conan

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In the last race, Conan Engineering Team came 2nd only because of the dodgy clock. We're aiming for a win this time.

This time we're also aiming to build and race a car that will holds together until the end of the race so the driver doesn't have to nicked everybody's cars and make everyone angry.

So we're going to acquired...... I'm not going to steal a car, why are you looking at me like that? We're going to acquired a car on a total budget of 12 and a half cows, 32 3M duct tapes and a pair of Birkenstock, because apparently setting an ambitiously low budget adds drama in Television world. Although we aren't going to have any budget limit to modify the car.

And we manage to get one! with even 5 duct tapes left! And here it is.

A.jpg


A 1984 Triumph Acclaim, one of the last ever to be made, and it's a minter! No rust! It comes with a 1335cc 4 cylinders Honda engine that we probably going to replace, actually we probably going to have to rip everything out and replace them with better parts. And since we'll be lacking petrol, the engine that we're going to put in isn't going to be run on one.

Stay tune.
 
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Lightning Count

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Thinking up a team name and deciding on a co-driver, will be back later with those details and more info on the car.
 

Matt2000

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Oh yes, Wacky Races is back. Has it really been a year already?

It's been very quiet at Shothouse Racing HQ since the last race, most of our past cars had to be sold for scrap to heat the place.
Things got so bad that we had to burn Dick Dastardly's rigid frame, the flames were mesmerising but a little bit tame.
I say we, Ralf left after the last race, it seems he's not cut out for life threatening racing of this pace.
So, as is always the case, Shothouse is essentially penniless again ahead of the race.

Our only hope is a medallion found in the ashes of Dastardly, the likes of which Google Images has never seen before. It could be worth a fortune, or a little bit more.
I'm going to sell it right away, to the pawn shop I go! I could just be lucky, you just never know.
With gold the floor of the workshop could be paved. Would it be great if Christmas the race could be saved!

(Yeah I'm going to try and do it all like this.)
 
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vikiradTG2007

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New HQ have been secretly built on the top of the Carpathians, right about next to the highest point of the Transfagarasan. Unfortunately, due to the unique way in which Romanian builders operate, they managed to finish the building just as the road got closed for the winter. So the secret project car that we were building under covers and in a new tunnel dug under the mountains is currently snowed-in and we cannot reach it until the snow clears properly. So, for the moment, the team has no name and no crew, as everyone but me is stuck in the mountains freezing to death and being reduced to frozen corpses to be reanimated by White Walkers. :lol:

Therefore, for the moment, our entry for this race will be a clapped-out, broken-down, rusty, gutless and spiky-tired Dacia 1310 we got off a local scrapyard for about 2 Euros. This leaves about 3 more Euros for retrofitting of gadgets and general tooling-up for whenever the car inevitably breaks down and leaves a pool of oil for nobody to slip on, as it will be at the bottom of the rankings anyway. :lol:
 
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PaperBiro

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a Veloster
This year, the chances of me having any time to participate are literally nought. So I shall be entering The Nothing, an experimental prototype vehicle from the mysterious plane of non-existence. My drivers shall consist of Barney, a stuffed koala I took home from a charity shop, and Linty, a piece of lint. Neither of them plan to turn up or do anything whatsoever.

Bow down before our inevitable non-victory.
 
Joined
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Since Saab has bankrupt. We sold all of Saab car even in museum or Victor Muller's car. We found a Lada 2103 in backyard, survive from rust corrosion, James Bond's laser and Apocalypse Clarkson. We built "Trolls Racing Team" in little garage. The car has installed turbo form Saab 900s that left in factory, but most parts hasn't modified yet because we're bloody poor. As Q from MI6 as a co-driver, we'll have some budget gadget. you'll see about that.
 

Lupin_IV

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After an unsuccessful attempt at selling it last year, L4 Performance will be racing the 1975 Bricklin SV-1 that has been in the team's inventory since its former life as PLR.
Lupin is, once again, being rather ambitious in his choice of engines, opting to fit the car with a Rolls-Royce M250-C20B turboshaft engine.
 

Matt2000

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Down at the pawn shop, a value was passed. According to the shop owner, it would be his last.
Two hundred and fifty pounds is all he would give, barely enough for Shothouse to live.
But down to the scrapyard Matt went with a bag full of cash, hoping to find something suitable to smash.

The scrappie wasn't impressed at such a small sum, but he wanted to help out our old chum.
So he lead to a corner deep in the wood, where all alone parked in the mud,
An old Commer camper, not used in years. The sad sight almost brought Matt to tears.
The engine was tried and it sounded like thunder, although they had no idea what pressure the head gasket was under.
It very quickly failed, creating a cloud of foul steam. To the pair of them it was just like a hazy dream
"I'll take it!" Matt said and the now assembled crowd did cheer, there was much celebrating and they broke open some beer.

The van was towed very slowly outside of the gates, still blissfully unaware of its glittering fate.
"How shall I get it home?" Matt said to the ruddy raced driver, who replied "Tell you what I'll tow it for a fiver."
"I don't have the cash!" cried Matt, with sad puppy eyes. "F**k off then!" Said the driver, and p****d off inside.

Shothouse are now in possesion of a 1965 Commer FC, slightly rusty and with a blown head gasket. What will they do to prepare it for the race? Will a second team member be found to justify this constant use of plurals? Will this half-arsed poetry format last until the beginning of the race? Find out in the next exciting instalment.
 

Conan

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(This does looks like it's becoming a Wacky Recession Race).

Meanwhile, at Conan Engineering Team secret base in Germany, just outside Belgium, the team are working hard preparing the Triumph for the race.

The chief engineer, Edd China, have design the car then listed and ordered all the requiring parts to put in the Triumph which included.

-1977 Triumph Dolomite 1300 motor (Bought from a certain Dolomite owner).
-2 Extra Petrol tanks from a 1972 Jaguar XJ6 (We're going to mount in where the back seat was).
-300hp Toshiba Electric Motor. (Because Hybrid).
-NASA Grade Massive Battery from year 2153 (courtesy of Doc Emmett Brown, mounted in the boot).
-NASA Grade Solar panel from year 2259 (again, courtesy of Doc Emmett Brown, mounted on the roof).
-2003 Honda Civic Type-R whole Suspension unit, front to back, side to side.
-Braking system that will stop a Volvo brick. (Should be enough for an Acclaim).
-New Bosch wiring loom and electrics to replace the Lucas one.

Hopefully it'll runs, so we can continue work on the attack and defense modifications.
 
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Lightning Count

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Team Lightning Count are proud to unveil more details on the car we shall be fielding this car.

After hatching many an evil plan, which included a daring heist or too, we were able to acquire our desired race car and modify it.

Unfortunately most of the money was spent on getting the car itself and making sure it was in good working order, this left us a paltry amount to spend on modifications and even less to pay a dodgy mechanic to fit said modifications.

Those modifications are:

Ejector seat - works but can fire off at random due to bad wiring. Co-driver now fitted with parachute/padded gear to ensure safe landings.
Machine guns mounted at front vehicle - test fired, some jamming issues to be sorted as a result of poor quality cheap ammo.
Steel bulletproof panel - unfortunately the idiot mounted this in the bonnet not the boot, can activate at random resulting in crashing due to view being obstructed, not tested yet due to risk of wrecking car before the event.


Also I am proud to introduce my co-driver Leon S. Kennedy, I managed to convince him to stop fighting monsters and help my cause instead. I have a good feeling about this.
 

Cryptopygia

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Me: Soo... any progress on our post-apocalyptic plans?

Random minion: No, sir. The set designers all quoted prices way to high for our budget, and no nukes. We asked North Korea, but they got mad at us for insinuating that their hellhole is a post-apocalyptic hellhole, then said that Dear Leader would rise from the grave, design and construct his own car in a matter of days, and beat every other competitor in a perfect race. While bowling a perfect game at the same time.

Me: Ugh... Would Detroit or Camden work?

Minion: Possibly, sir.

Me: Then make some calls. Oh, and get me some candy canes.

Minion: Yes sir.
 

Richmondgal

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Richmondgal: So when did this Apocalypse happen?

Freddy Mcduckduck: A few days back.

Richmondgal: And we know this because-

Mcduckduck: Because it all on the news. Of course you don't listen to the news so you missed all the shitty reports they had. On repeat.

Richmondgal: Right...There's an invitation to the Wacky Races for early next year. How's the car holding?

Mcduckduck: Which one?

Richmondgal: The Monaro?

Mcduckduck: I thought you crashed it.

Richmondgal: I didn't crash it, the tree moved and crashed into me.

Mcduckduck: Well we've got nothing then...

Richmondgal: Hmm....Someone's selling Mk II GTI out the back. Wanna buy it?

Mcduckduck: Yeah sure.
 

vikiradTG2007

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23 years on from his death, our team announces that our co-driver for the race shall be none other than Nicolae Ceausescu's ghost, with his amazing powers of WOODEN LANGUAGE which will throw off all the other racers by boring them to death. Also, a full assortment of secret police which is... erm... not watching you and your every move and not oppressing your rights in this race. Of course not. Who says they do that? They would be liars to say so.

WE SHALL RULE THIS POST-APOCALYPTIC WASTELAND RACE WITH THE IRON FIST OF OVERDEVELOPED SOCIALISM
 
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Cryptopygia

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Underling: Sir, communications with Detroit and Camden have completely stalled.

Me: Well, what did you tell them?

Underling: Well, we told them that we wanted a post-apocalyptic themed race, and as such, we wanted permission to run it through their cities.

Me: And?

Underlings: They hung up on us, and Camden's mayor is threatening to sue us for defamation and slander.

Me: But Camden is an apocalyptic hellhole!

Underling: Yes, but don't tell him that. Anyway, that route is pretty much off the table.

Me: Argh. Could we plot out a route, and have our drivers raze the surrounding area.

Underling: What about the people living along the route?!

Me: Give 'em money, mansions and help moving in. Buy off some senators and congressmen to make them tax exempt. Just do something.

Underling: ...Yes sir.

Me: Oh, and bribe the judge and jurors when we are called into court. If that doesn't work, threaten them with Jessie and Civas.

Underling: ...Right.

Me: Oh yeah, and I also want to annex North Korea.

Underling: We aren't a territory, sir.

Me: Buy it out, and we get a territory. Seriously, is it that hard to understand?

Underling: No, sir.

Me: Get it done.

Underling: *Out of earshot, to another underling* Is it just me, or is the Boss going mad?

/Thread needed reviving...
 

Richmondgal

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*brings out the megaphone*

Richmondgal: ATTENTION EVERYONE! HI! WE'RE BACK WITH A NEW OLD CAR! THIS LOVELY VOLKSWAGON GOLF MKII, BECAUSE WE SOLD THE BLOODY EFIJY.

*turns off megaphone*
 

Cryptopygia

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With one and a half weeks to go until race day, all attempts at creating a post-apocalyptic atmosphere have fallen apart.

Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "EVERYBODY REFUSED THE OFFER?"

Underling: They either laughed at us for coming up with such a crazy idea, or-

Me: Crazy?!

Underling: Or they yelled at us for being so callous.

Me: This is my race. It will be post-apocalyptic. AND I WILL MAKE SURE IT IS ONE!!! *Grabs microphone* Every DSRacing driver, I need to see you, immediately.

*A few minutes later*

Me: Alright. So, our latest plan at hosting this race in a wasteland has fallen apart. No one has taken up our offer.

Clay: So, you need us to come up with a new idea, or...

Me: Nope, we're just gonna go ahead and raze the area around the course anyway. That's where you come in.

Jessie: But what about the people still living along the course.

Me: Well, they should have taken our offer, then. Basically, just ignore them.

Everyone: Are you serious?!

Jeraisa: You actually want us to risk killing thousands of people just for one race?

Me: No! Not kill, just... forcibly relocate, then destroy their former residence and everything they own. Then, dress it up in a suitably apocalyptic mann-

Josares: Let me stop you right there.

Me: But-

Josares: We are not doing this. Period.

Me: Now wait one minute. I am not asking your opinion on this. I am ordering you to do this.

Jessie: Well, sorry, but we refuse to follow the orders of a complete madman.

Me: I AM YOUR BOSS, AND YOU WILL OBEY ME. NOT GET OUT THERE, AND MAKE SOME FUCKING DESTRUCTION!!!

Civas: Actually, I have a better idea.

Me: Oh, excelle- Wait, WHAT ARE YOU-

*Later, in the back of a loony bin truck*

Me: YOU WILL REGRET THIS! I SWEAR IT! I WILL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS! I WILL HAUNT YOUR EVERY WAKING MOMENT! I WILL USE MY POWERS OF HAUNTING TO BURN YOUR HOUSES DOWN! AND I- *Doors slam shut, rendering the continuing rant a barely audible mumbling. The truck drives off.*

James: Now, what say we start brainstorming some ideas?

Clay: Indeed.

*Just one-and-a-half weeks left. Please enter if you can. The grid is looking mighty barren.*
 
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