You Know you're ........when:

Coconut Chucker

Not A Dude
Mar 27, 2011
USA and New Zealand
1999 BMW 323i
You know you're from New Zealand when:

1. You eat Marmite not Vegemite
Both are disgusting.
2. You wear jandals no matter what time of year
Not during the winter, no. Not even now that I live in Arizona
3. You know what Rotorua smells like
Like a swamp.
4. You know Australia is just a big desert
Full of bogans.
5. You know why Auckland is called the City of Sails
Because it's a big harbor?
6. You know why people from Auckland are called JAFAs
Just another fucking Aucklander - because Aucklanders make up a third of the country's population
7. If You are from Auckland you know the other meaning of JAFA
Just another FRIENDLY Aucklander!
8. You know why Students in Hamilton have to drink there is nothing else to do
Hamilton sucks
9. You know the Sky Tower is the tallest structure in the Southern Hemisphere
Not really
10. You know at least three different names for Fish and Chips.
I know two - fish and chips, shark and taties
11. You know that Pineapple Lumps and Jet Planes are awesome.
12. You know where CANDYLAND is
13. You know Pavlova came from New Zealand NOT Australia
14. You know at least three people that work in London
Not really
15. You know what a POM is.
An English person
16. You know what Sir Edmund Hillary did and DAMN it you're proud of it.
You're damn right!
17. At least one of your relatives is a Builder
18. You know what happens at 7 o 'clock week nights
Uh... Shortland Street? Sad excuse for a show
19. You have no problem going to HELL pizza
I don't like pizza
20. The WAREHOUSE is where you can get anything.
I suppose so
21. You know the LEFT side of the road is the correct side of the road.
You're damn right!
22. You know where the MOTORWAY starts and finishes
Blah, blah.
23. You know when your cities Anniversary Day is
29 January for Auckland.
24. You know what Waitangi Day is all about
What Kiwi doesn't?
25. You can name at least one All Black
Just one? I can name almost all of them.
26. You know how amazing sausage rolls are no matter how old you are
LOVE sausage rolls.
27. You know in your town where to get the best meat pies
Meat pies are overrated
28. You know you are from New Zealand because you call an esky a chilly bin and everyone else keeps asking you to say "six" and "biscuit" all the time
I call it a chilly bin, because that's what it is.
29. You are in a photo somewhere next to a giant 'gumboot'/carrot. Probably both
30. You have your photo next to a giant L&P bottle
31. You (or your children) don't have to wear shoes at school.
Not really.
32. You call a vivid a vivid not an art liner or sharpie
It's a Sharpie to me now after 3 years in the USA
33. You know what "spitting the dummy" is and you know someone at your work that does it constantly.
34. You know that there are more sheep that people in New Zealand.
35. You know how to do the HAKA and if you get drunk enough you will perform it for foreigners.
I know the words but not the dance moves. And no I will not perform it for foreigners.
36. You use the words "cuzzie" and "bro" when talking to most relatives. Or people that aren't relatives.
Not really.
37. You know more people that use BEBO than MYSPACE.
Probably true if I think about it.
38. You know who Tem Morrison is and why he was selected as Jango Fett.
I know who he is, and that he played Jango Fett, but don't know any more than that.
39. You know where Hobbiton is and you know its real name.
40. You know why Wellington is called WINDY Wellington.
Because there's a lot of wind, duh.
41. You know how to pronounce Whakatane and it's not WACA-TAIN
42. You know which ALL BLACK was in a JOCKEY's campaign shown around the world.
Daniel Carter
43. You know why One Tree Hill is called One Tree Hill and it's not because a statue is on top
44. You grew up on Weet-Bix and you know why the All Black supports them
Because they taste good?
45. When you are overseas and people call you Australian, and you hate it they can't tell the difference in the accents.
I'm quite used to it, though it is annoying.
46. You know at least 6 places you can buy green stone from.
47. When you heard the news report that google blocked the city Whakatane for it's pronunciation you thought it was hilarious
48. Whenever you here the song "Baby Come on" you think of a telecom commercial
49. You have a feeling Australians are cheaters after the underhand bowl of 1970.
50. You know a Hangi is better than any American Thanksgiving
51. You know that any sentence can be made better with the word "AS" at the end.
It's not just us who does it. Australians do it too.
52. When you heard that Bull Rush was that out of school because it was rough the first thought that came to your head was this generation is going to be too soft.
53. A kiwi is not a fruit and it's not okay to eat one.
Cannibals and bird eaters!
54. You know Bungie Jumping started off a bridge in Queenstown
55. You know where to find black sand
56. You know that Wellington is the most southern capital in the world.
57. You get upset when you think that all the best lamb and beef gets exported.
58. You know feijoa is something great to eat and especially love feijoa flavoured lollies.
I don't like them actually.
59. You know TradeMe is definitely better than Ebay
60. You know Russell Crowe was born in New Zealand but don't mind the Australians claim him as theirs
Australia can have him as far as I'm concerned.
61. Even though Anna Paquin was born in Canada you consider her a Kiwi


Well-Known Member
Dec 25, 2008
Bologna, Italy
VW Golf MkV
You Know you?re Italian when:
You have a nonna. - Not now, but back then, definitely.

Your nonna?s meat balls are the best. - and pasta, and roasted meat, and cakes, and...

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00. - Well, no... but I eat lunch at 2:00 P.M. Does this count?

Your car has a green red and a white bow with a horn attached on the mirror! - No...

Your favorite slow song: Ti Amo. - No, but It's really not that bad...

You know all the words of That?s Amore. - When the moon hits your eyes like a big pizza pied, that's amore...

The Godfather is your role model. - No, but it's fun to make offers other people can't refuse.

At least one person in your family does a great impression of Don Corleone. - Yes

You love Nutella? anytime? - Who doesn't?

You always dress to impress. - well... ehurm... sometimes...

You love Versace, Gucci, Prada, Armani, just cause they are Italian. - well... a bit... Armani does great things.

You?ve been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you by either your mother or your nonna. - No. But if my uncle counts, then yes.

Pasta, pasta, pasta everyday. - twice a day, to be precise.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives. - Most of them are familiy friends.

At least 5 of your cousins live on your street. All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather. - No. they have emigrated.

It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets. - ... yes...

You have many relatives named either Joe or Mary? - incredibly, no.

Your grandfather had a fig tree. - YES!

You?ve always wanted a red Ferrari. - As for Nutella, who doesn't?

You feel strangely comfortable when you sit on plastic-covered furniture. - No, but I undertand why this is brought here.

You think have a concrete backyard is nice. - No, but a partly paved one has its pluses.

You are offended when the wedding you attend serves less than 9 courses despite the fact that you don?t eat half of it. - No, I hate them. This is, of course, because I attend to too many of them, and a 6-7 hours lunch is standard.

You actually believe everyone eats those sugared almonds in the bomboniere at your wedding. - ...but they do...

You always have a friend who ?owes you a favor?. - no.

There is mroe:

You know you're italian when

You think sometimes rules are optionals
You're proud of knowing that Italy holds an outrageous amount of art and history and monuments, but you've seen Angkor Wat before Florence
You think fun with friends is directly proportional to loudness
When you think of a coffee, you think of a dwarf-size cup or glass instead that of a giant mug
You can't avoid meeting other italians wherever you go in the world.


Well-Known Member
Dec 6, 2010
Houston, Texas

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

... you might be a redneck.


puffalump? inquire here!
Aug 21, 2009
'10 Lulzcer GTS, '84 Porschelump 944, '71 VW 411
Searching for these lists on Texas just makes my brain hurt. Most seem to be written for small towns in the 1950s, which...isn't Texas. Not all of Texas, anyway. So, I picked out the ones that actually make sense for all of the state:

You can say 110 degrees without fainting...

You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off... - Exaggeration, but spicy food FTW!

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron...

The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly...

You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...

You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window...

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...

Hot water now comes out of both taps...

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets...

You actually burn your hand opening the car door...

You break a sweat the instant you step 7:30 a.m. before work...

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning... - I still don't understand people who get leather and don't put some kind of heat-proof seat cover on it. You'll burn your bum. Oh, and the only reason not to have A/C is in a car...because racecar.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"...

When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask you questions like, "Do you have any cows?" "Do you have horses?" "Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?" They all want to know if you've been to Southfork. They watched "Dallas."

You know that nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner. - Maybe there's one in West Texas, but the ones everywhere I've been on the eastern two-thirds of the state usually have at least a little (if not a lot) of curvy win.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle--they do get stuck.

Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

People really grow and eat okra. - Sidenote: I hate okra...and gravy and ranch dressing, for that matter. But people eat it here (which is nasty).

Green grass DOES burn.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You measure distance in minutes.

You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.

You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper. - Actually, I know which ones don't make good TP. You learn that or you ITCH.

You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population over 1000.

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop .. it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.

You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

You can drive for a full day and still be in Texas.

Your school just MIGHT shut down because it MIGHT snow...

You're damn proud of your Tex-Mex and you leave the state and their Mexican food tastes like... taco bell... try to explain Tex-Mex to them, educate them, Tex-Mex is life.

You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Decatur, Wichita Falls, Burnet, Gruene, Boerne, New Braunfels, Nacogdoches, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie.

You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

You know people who put ranch dressing on everything. - And holy crap, that is DISGUSTING.

You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. - Actually, this is a trade-off. Trees mean birds, and birds will poop on your car. If it's a hotter than Satan's ballsack out, though, sometimes the tree is worth the risk.

You discover that in July it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."

You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.

Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department - The one here doesn't (it's tiny), but the larger ones/Mexican markets do. Nopales FTW.

You laugh at the phony Texan accents in TV/movies - Maybe not laugh so much as cringe. I don't know a lot of people with really noticeable accents. Most of the really twangy people I know are relatives in East Texas.

You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water...

You eat tacos for breakfast

You think Dr. Pepper is the best damn coke in the world

Getting stuck in the mud is a challenge, not an avoidance - To get stuck in mud, first you have to have mud. To have mud, you must have moisture...see where I'm going with this? It's a lot easier in storm season, though.

We panic when there is an inch of snow on the ground

You've been trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.

When it rains, everyone is smiling.

Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

It is the middle of winter and the AC is running

Lightning Count

Well-Known Member
Jun 27, 2009
1.Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind, is your idea of good weather.

2.The only sausage you like is square. - Cumberland is best, but square sausage will do fine.

3.You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school. - Yes, I wasn't any good at it though.

4.You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Aye right is No, Auldjin is someone over 40, and Baltic is cold. - Of course

5.You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as its deep fried ? Haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and deep fried Mars Bars. - Deep fried Mars bars - ugh. A Scottish thing that I'm not proud of and would never eat.

6.You used to love destroying your teeth with ? Penny Dainties, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.

7.You always greet people by talking about the weather - This is a load of rubbish.

8.Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad. (in fact you?ll probably ask the DJ to play it) - I like the proclaimers, the rest I am indifferent towards.

9.You have an enormous feeling of dread, even when Scotlandplay a diddy team.

10.You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe. - Not really and I rarely drink and don't smoke.

11.You used to watch Glen Michael?s Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin. - Never seen it.

12.You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books Every Christmas.- I still have quite a few from when I was a kid.

13.You only enjoy Weir?s Way on the telly, when you are pissed. - No.

14.You are able to recognise the regional dilect, (Glasgow) ?Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers, magic pal. (Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness) Ah-eee right enuffff! How?s you keeeepeeeen? - Yeah, not very familiar with the Glaswegian dialect though.

15.You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout?Errapolis. - This is primarily a Glasgow thing.

16.You have witnessed a ?Square Go?

17.You know that when you are asked which School you attended they really mean, ?Are you Catholic or Proddy?? - Nobody really cares about religion these days.

18.You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink, Tunnock?s Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porage, Macaroon Bar, Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes. - Yes, in fact I have some Scotch pies I will eat later and Cullen Skink is greatest soup known to man.

19.A Jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.

20.You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.

21.You know that the right response to ?you dancing?? is ?you askin?? followed by ?am askin? and finally ?then am dancin?.

22.You associated sawdust with vomit, coz the ?jannie? always, used to pour it over sick in school.

23.You lose all respect for a groom who doesn?t wear a kilt. - Only if he is Scottish and he loses man points if he wears underwear under a kilt.

24.You don?t do shopping, you ?go for the messages.? - Yes, what do you call it?

25.You?re on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.

26.You are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three words only,-- Awright, aye, and naw.

27.When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, ? You no well??

28.You have heard the following:

You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,

700 hungry weans?ll testify to that,

If its butter, cheese or jelly,

If the breed is plain or pan,

The chances o? it reachin earth,

Are ninety nine tae wan.

29. You know that going to a party means bringin a Kerry oot.

30.Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heatwave back home.

31.Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was ?no a bad result?. - I actually don't care about football.

32.You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and Kirkcaldy. - Of course.

33.You love deep fried Pizza. Never had it and don't want to try it.

34.You can?t pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub.

35.You are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter, autumn, winter)

36.You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.

37.You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories, and think ?thats class?. - No I think "Wanker." or "Chav."

38.You measure distance in minutes.

39.You understand Rab C. Nesbitt.

40.You go to Saltcoats because you think its abroad.

41.You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.

42.You know what haggis is made with, but you still enjoy it.

43.You know someone who planned their wedding around the football fixtures.

44.You have been to a wedding and the football results have been announced in church.

45.You are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the following: Pizzas, Nappies, Fags, Curries, Milk, Paint, Shoes etc.

46.Your seaside home has Calor gas under it. - I don't own a caravan so no.

47.You know that Irn-Bru is a good hang over cure.

48.You could swear before you could count.

49.You would ?nut? a terrorist if they tried to bomb your Airport.

50.You are not only Scottish but Glasgwian when you understand the following- How?s it hingin?, clatty, boggin?, cludgie, Ba?heid, bawbag, and double nougat. I'm a Highlander (Born in Dingwall) and only know half of those.


Aced mod training!
Mar 19, 2005
VW UP! Renault Clio
  • You have a clear picture of a woman with glasses and a "fj?llr?v" uttering the words "There is no bad weather, only bad clothing" on your cornea. -yes, my mother
  • You call a 100 m pile of dirt a mountain. -it's 147 m actually :p
  • You tell people that you hate "Janteloven". -not really, not that I like it I just don't go around telling people
  • You go to the supermarket and buy 3 good beers, and 10 not so good ones. -don't really drink beer
  • You remember the summer of 1992 with pride. -well yeah, mostly to annoy germans, it's also the last football game I've watched in full
  • You always complain about the weather. Or the Germans. Or the Swedes. -yes, yes, yes :p
  • You can open a bottle of beer with anything. -no but a lot of people I know can do it, really should practice.
  • You honestly believe that the distance Copenhagen - Aalborg is far. -:lol: yes (it's 413 km by road, 233 km if you take a ferry)
  • You can tell the difference between a Gr?n Tuborg and a Carlsberg beer. -probably not
  • The first thing you do when entering a bank/pharmacy/post office is to look for the queue number machine. -yeah
  • You accept that you have to queue to take the queue number. -yeah
  • When a stranger on the street smiles at you, you assume that:
  • a. he is drunk;
  • b. he is insane;
  • c. he is American;
  • d. he is all of the above. -not really
  • The amount of money you spend on alcohol in a single night no longer seems excessive. -don't go out drinking really
  • You know that meaning of "religious holiday" is "let's get pissed". -see above
  • You pay the same for a 200 m bus ride as you do for 10 km. -depending on the place, yes, in bigger cities no
  • You find yourself more interested in the alcohol content than the name of the wine. -no
  • It feels natural to wear sport clothes everywhere. -no, some (older) people do
  • You have no idea what a "date" really is - no one ever comes to pick you up and unexpected gifts are VERY unexpected. -yeah
  • You offer people "Gammel Dansk" (strange-tasting brown very alcoholic liquid) with their coffee in the MORNING! -it is normally served at breakfast only on occations not every day, and it tastes like crap, ew ew ew
  • You know that the Swedish people drink more than the Danish. -they do, they take the ferry here to buy booze :p


Well-Known Member
Jul 12, 2009
BMW 116d, W124 250D
I just woke up today to find out I'm actually Danish :p


Nov 29, 2006
Dallas, TX
F150, CJ7, Mustang GT, Tenere, Griso, GL1000
Searching for these lists on Texas just makes my brain hurt. Most seem to be written for small towns in the 1950s, which...isn't Texas. Not all of Texas, anyway. So, I picked out the ones that actually make sense for all of the state:
About 90% of those apply to me, so I'd say that is a fairly accurate list.

I remember being in North Dakota last summer at the company golf tournament, and listening to people complain about how hot it was. It was about 85 degrees and sunny, which felt like a pleasant cool day to me.


Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2011
Scottish Borders (Originally from Oldham, Lancs.)
'04 Toyota Celica T-Sport
Got most of these from a FaceBook group.

You know you're from Oldham when...

You tell people you're from Oldham then they ask "Is that where the riots where?" (Followed by slight look of apprehension.)
You know where most of the cast of Coronation Street/Emmerdale live/booze. (An' the rest of their family.)
You think Chaddy the Owl is the most amazing mascot ever. (Which he is.)
You go crackers when someone assumes you're from Wigan or Bolton. (Might be united in a county, but we're still different.)
You call 'em muffins. Not baps, or bread rolls. They're MUFFINS. (They're fookin MUFINS AH TELL THEE!!)
You can out-drink large men on pub crawls. (True that.)
People are slightly scared of you. (That an' all.)
You make more sense when you're drunk. (It's actually probably just more louder than anything.)
You tell everyone Mark Owen an' Phillip Schofield are from Oldham. (Which they are. An' Brian Cox too.)
You also tell everyone you know someone who knows Mark Owen. (Me brother-in-law used to beat him up as a kid.)
You're programmed to be Pie obsessed. In fact a meat pie wi' chips an' gravy is the best tea int world. (I love Pie.)
You tell everyone you come from th'ome of the Tubular Bandage. (Google Mumps Bridge.)
You love a good brass band. (Whit Friday!)
You know it's not Staleybridge, it's Staley-Vegas. (Frequent bomb scares int Staley-Vegas Tesco.)
When you argue adamantly that you're from Lancashire an' not Greater Manchester. (We all still write LANCS. on envelopes.)
You assure people that the stuff that happens on telly, based in the North like Phoenix Nights, The Royle Family etc actually happens in real life. Then they see it for themselves an' think you're all crazy. (Bit more Lancashire in general this 'un.)
Writing the way you talk comes naturally. You also develop your accent an' dialect as soon as you start talking as a kid. (Your first word is normally either "Pie" or "Chips.")
You can turn the most horrendous/gross/serious story in to a comedy, just by divulging a bit too much crude or random information an' talking the way Roughy'ead's do. :) (Me mam's the perfect example of this.)
"Th'" is a state of mind.


puffalump? inquire here!
Aug 21, 2009
'10 Lulzcer GTS, '84 Porschelump 944, '71 VW 411
About 90% of those apply to me, so I'd say that is a fairly accurate list.I remember being in North Dakota last summer at the company golf tournament, and listening to people complain about how hot it was. It was about 85 degrees and sunny, which felt like a pleasant cool day to me.
85 is perfect weather, man! :lol:


Disco Stu-pour
Feb 17, 2006
Country smells, England
'01 Disco 2 V8, '90 Disco 1, '05 Smart Roadster
I always thought I'd like Texas and from that list it's pretty much confirmed. I also don't mind heat, it's the humidity that I hate. Maybe I'd prefer Arizona...


Well-Known Member
Sep 2, 2005
Audi S6 Barkwagon
You know you're a Swiss when...
* you think getting up early is good. - Yep, at 0600 every day, even at the weekends. Sleeping more than 5 hours is a waste anyway.
* you are actually interested in the local elections. - Somewhat true. We have a very direct democracy and a very low voters quote. Makes my own vote more powerful.
* you expect the shop clerk to say goodbye after you purchase something. - Absolutely.
* you try to defend cartel based economics to a visitor. - Are there any other economic systems?
* you think that plaid jackets with flowery ties don't look that bad. - Not wearing suits myself, but there a nastier things out there than flowey ties.
* you think it's fair that you can only wash clothes once a month. - Stupid myth from the 1970's.
* you wonder why anyone would want to shop outside of working hours. - Not true
* you think it's OK to drive slow on Sundays. - No. Less cars, more speed.
* you feel like you're broke if you have less that SFr. 300 in your pocket. - So true. It's 500 Sfr, actually. But in regards I don't own any credit cards.
* you dress up to go grocery shopping. - No. No time for this, must hurry, the shops are closing.
* you understand why Chinese food should cost more than normal food. - Sort of. Keeps it special.
* you wish that your hometown had expensive garbage bags too. - We have cheap bags but expensive stickers to put on them.
* you think it's OK for a Chinese restaurant to be run by a Swiss and staffed by Spaniards and Portugese. - Yes. The food is the clue, not the staff.
* you start preparing costumes for Fasnacht. - No.
* you join a Guggemusik band. - Not joining, but I do like their music. During one to three days a year. But not more.
* you think Thursday night shopping is really convenient. - Yes.
* you think that large American cars are 'cool'. - Somewhat yes, for some time they had a negative "pimp" aura, but that has changed, they are cool now. Exept the Hummer of course. So not cool.
* you think it's cool to drink expensive imported American beers. - I don't drink beer. Never have, never will.
* you prefer fizzy mineral water to tap water. - Yes, as stupid as that may be.
* you throw a party and expect everyone to leave by 11:30 pm. - Yes. Wanna get up at 0600 after all.
* you clean up during parties. - Ok, yes that's true
* you expect dinner guests to help with the washing up. - That's the least they should do for a free meal.
* you begin to understand the subtlety of the Swiss cuisine. - "Sublety" is maybe the wrong word.
* you appreciate the differences between the cantons. - Yep, there like different countrys, especially the french and italian parts.
* you feel really hungry if you don't start eating lunch by 12:00. - For sure. Delaying lunch for more than 5 minutes will start a riot.
* you have breakfast cereal for dinner. - So true
* you say Gruezi to everyone, and consider it impolite when they don't say it back. - If you don't say "Gr?ezi" back, you're a bastard. An asshole. Pure scum.
* you don't mind paying SFr.20 for a paperback book. - I do, almost all of my books are second hand. Sfr 2 per piece.
* you think that 3% unemployment is high. - Yep, that's on crisis level.
* you consider getting goats and sheep to graze in your backyard. - Replaced now by a silent robot zig-zagging over the lawn all day.
* you only eat fondue in winter. - So true. No snow, no fondue.
* you complain to your neighbour about the noise when he flushes his toilet after 10 pm. - I don't have neighbours, but I would complain: "Gr?ezi, please take your shit at 0615 in the morning like all others do. Dankesch?n."
* you become interested in the myriad of insurance offerings. - Somewhat true. Whatever happens to me, I'm insured against it.
* you get interested in Swinging. - No. Only as far as a threesome.
* you expect to be delayed by road works every summer. - Oh yes. It's a national sport.
* you become concerned about the colour of your neighbour's curtains. - No, but my GF does. It's a swiss girly thing.
* you put Aromat on all your food. - LOL, so damn true.
* you worry about getting a cold when there's a draft. - Don't we all?
* you think spontaneity is OK, as long as it's planned. - Sure do.


Döner Kebab enthusiast
Jul 20, 2009
42 miles outside of Chicago
‘18 VW Golf GTI, '87 Mercury Colony Park
You know you're from Chicago when...

The "Living Room" is called the "front room" (pronounced fronchroom): Partly, yes... I say Front Room...
You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois. You become irate at people who do: YES
You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away:YUP!
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines": Yes...
Your school classes were canceled because of cold:Yes
Your school classes were canceled because of heat: no...
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day: Yeah.
Stores don't have sacks, they have bags: mhm
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:"Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with.": That too...
Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun, "everything" is on it and a slice of dill pickle is on the side: Not me personally.
You carry jumper cables in your car: Who doesn't?
You drink "pop.": Soda for me...
You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads: yes, been on all of them.
You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower,Dan Ryan, and the Edens: Know of them, not which highway it is.
But you call the interstates "expressways": no.
You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois": I guess
You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake": yup
You refer to Chicago as "The City": yeah
"The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1986: Actually, no.
No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago: :/ guilty.
You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!: I'm not a football fan, but still I agree with this. :D
You buy "The Trib": Wait, what? Of course not!
You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!: if the water doesn't freeze, it's good!
You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog: :blink:
You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is: OH YEEESSSS
You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City": Duh...
You understand what "lake-effect" means: yup
You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at. You have ridden the "L": Mhm!
You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847,630,773,708, 312, & 815:yeah
You have at some time in your life, used your furniture to guard your parking spot in winter. (CHICAGO CLASSIC!!):I don't live in chicago, so no. But I have seen it.
You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a side" example:"WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or "NORTHSIDE.": my mom does.
You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet!: RIP Carpet Man!


Mr. Fedewhatever
Mar 6, 2005
Motor City, Michigan
13 Ford Mustang GT, 17 Ford Fiesta ST
You know you're Russian when....

Your car costs more than your college education
Your blood has a permanent vodka content level, no matter you have been drinking or not
Any outfit you wear involves leather (even in the summer even when no coats are worn)
Your idea of a normal Friday or Saturday night is spending it raving with 200-300 of your closest friends
Your idea of a love song is Track 1 of the New York Underground Party Volume 3 CD.
Things you can't live without include food, water, and a cell phone
Instead of notes during class you write text messages to your friends in Russian font
You come home at 3am and your parents are still out partying with all your friend's parents
People are always asking you if you can get them a cheep deal on something...and you can
Every sentence you say or hear starts with "blyat" and ends with "nahuy"
You know the new line of Nokia's 3 months before they come out on the market
You can't go to the movies on Sunday night without having to save 20 seats for your late friends cuz they're buying semichki
You don't mind family get-togethers because you know the grandmas will be making dinner
You know all the cops by their first names
You know someone who works at a dental lab
You are somehow related to most of the people you know
On the weekends your place of residence is the pool hall, and every 10 mins the tolstii pon'chik tells you to pick up line 2
You drive a Honda (or, in the EXTREME worse case a Nissan), and your windows are tinted to twice the legal limit
Your Honda has either a RU (Russia) or UA (Ukraine) sticker on the back bumper
Your Honda is a 5-speed stick shift, and you laugh at anyone driving an automatic by calling them lohs
At any given moment you are carrying at least a dime bag of shmal'...
Your uncle is in the Russian Mafia or is a former employee of the KGB
You have been kicked out of the JCC at least twice for trying to sneak in without paying.
You can be identified as "Russian" by your scent (D&G or Aqua de Gio cologne).
The waitresses at Omega know your order even before you say anything. Most of the time you get "Gypsy".
You met your girl playing strip durak at the last party you went to.
Everyone you know has a ruchka of smirnoff in their trunk.
You wake up on a saturday morning, unable to remember which one of your friends gave you a ride home because you couldn't even walk, but see your car standing in the parking lot (you drove home yourself).
You start thinking of bread as a good mixer for vodka
You know more than 30 Olgas, Annas, Natashas, and Vikas
You have to tell your parents what channel is "YOUR" HBO, Showtime, Per-View is on.
Your parents have computer "experience" for 8 years already on the resume, yet they been in US for only 4...
You major in Computer Science or in worst case scenario Information Systems (but you still barely know how to turn on a computer).
You have a personalized license plate.
When you are going downtown you ride in one of the last two train carts.
Typical Friday/Saturday night phone call to your friends starts with "So what are we doing tonight?"
Most of your clothes are fake brand names but you "just can't tell them apart from the real ones."
Your fake id is the International Driving License who you got through your friend who goes to Kingsburough.
You used to work out, but you don't anymore. If you do workout, you must wear all you golden chains and bracelets.
Lifting a cigarette while drinking coffee counts as an exercise.
You have a fake Movado because you can't afford a real Rolex.
Once in a while you attempt to go to synagogue but you never make it past the door because you meet so many people you haven't seen for so long.
Some English words like "use, shop, apply, and etc." permanently become a part of your conversational

Also, You know you're in Russia when....

It snows just as hard some days in April as it did in February
You're sitting on the toilet and suddenly you hear a loud rumbling noise and it starts shaking and squirting water everywhere
One day you're sitting around and a panel in the wall concealing all the pipes just falls out of place
You've learned how to tell the difference between the real police and the student police, and the student police look like they're 12 sometimes
You go to the store to buy a backpack for 1900 rubles, then the lady says something to you really fast, and all you understand is something about -do this and you'll get a discount, so you say "da" yes. then she brings you a very odd squishy ball with spikes and puts it in your bag. she rings up your total, and it comes out to be 1500 rubles. so you pay but you're still standing there thinking "what in the world just happened?!"
You eat a McDonald's and have to say things like "cheeseburger", "Big Tasty", "chicken burger", and "Sprite" in a Russian accent because otherwise they won't understand, even though it's the same word...
You're sitting on a bus and a girl gets on with a gullet (girl mullet), and she's carrying a tiny dog wearing a jogging suit (let me mention that this is not even close to the first time I've seen tiny dogs in shiny jogging suits here)
Every Pizza Hut is a hot bed of PDA... not just making out, but some of the most intense gazing into each others eyes' I've ever seen
You don't really ever see children, middle aged women, or old men...
Vodka is cheaper than almost any other beverage and it has more aisles in the grocery store devoted to it than all the other liquids combined


has a fetish for terrible cars
Nov 28, 2009
Yoe, PA
2012 Kia Forte EX
1. You refer to Pennsylvania as "PA."
-> Indeed

2. "You guys" is a perfectly acceptable reference to a group of men & women.
-> Of course

3. You've never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly."
-> Correct on most occasions

4. At least 5 people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long.
-> Nope, not really

5. You own only three condiments "A-1, Heinz 57 and Heinz ketchup".
-> The first and third yes,

6. You live within 20mins of at least 3 different malls.
-> Yep.

7. You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal.
-> been there, done that

8. Your turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."
-> My family calls stuffing stuffing *shrugs*

9. You go to Sheetz or Turkey Hill...Not Wawa (or you've never even heard of Wawa)
-> In fucking deed...unless I visit Lancaster. There, Wawa's everywhere.

10. Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer.
-> I don't drink but I know it's pronounced like that

11. You're an Eagles fan even if you don't watch football.
-> nope, Steelers all the way.

12. You know 10 different ways to cook deer.
-> No but my step-uncle probably does.

13. You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
-> I at least check the pantry

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
-> Hahah....yeah. :/

15. You owe more money on your snowmobile or John Deere than your car.
-> Nope

16. The first day of "Buck Season" and "Doe Season" is a school holiday.
-> Sadly, in one district I was in....this is true.

17. The only Jewish people that you've ever met have been from New York or New Jersey.
-> False

18. You love the Phillies (unless they stink) in which case you love the Orioles (unless they stink) in which case you solemnly swear that you've never even liked the Phillies or the -Orioles, but have always been a Penn State fan.
-> Not a baseball fan

19. You have over 500 students in your graduating class.
-> True

20. You call places "ghetto" even though to most people in other parts of the country it would be considered middle class.
-> Nope

21. They just tore down the old farm house across the street and put 12 new houses in its place.
-> Nope, although i've heard of stuff happening

22. While you're driving and stop at a red light, the people on all sides of you have the bass turned up so high on their radios that your windows start to shake.
-> Haha..yes.

23. For the cost of your house, you could own a small town in Iowa.
-> Nope

24. The local paper covers National and International headlines on 1/4 page but requires six pages for sports (especially during high school football season).
-> lmao, so true. It's to the point where they'll have a dedicated section just for high school and college (read: Penn State) football

25. School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
-> Indeed. Watching the "Closings Ticker" on the TV or listening to the radio is slow going. Better to just use the web now

26. When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."
-> I don't but my parents/grandparents do

27. Airplanes flying above your neighborhood is a normal occurrence.
-> Yep, thanks HIA....

28. You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
-> Never. Sloppy Joes for life.

29. You think the start of deer hunting is a National Holiday.
-> haha no, i've never hunted in my life. I'm sure other people do.

30. At least ONE person in your family hunts, loves Nascar, or watches wrestling.
-> Yes. More than one on the former, none on the 2nd and yes to the third

31. Freshman year at HACC is basically 13th grade.
-> Not true, at all, HACC's one of the most respected community colleges in the northeast. I'm actually kinda offended by this one haha.

32. If you stay on the same road long enough, it will eventually have 3 new names.
-> Indeed, such a pain in the ass

33. You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
-> Yeah with some exceptions. Our alcohol laws are among the most ridiculous in the country. Yay old people who think alcohol is "evil" so they vote against any loosening of the laws. That and our Govt loves the racket that is the State Store (although the shopping experience isn't that bad, good customer service, nice stores.)

34. You?re immune to race car motors because there is a track within a 5 mile radius of your house.
-> Haha I dunno how close but I do hear them sometimes

35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
-> nope

36. You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
-> Yeah our roads are downright horrible.

37. When you put on your turn signal to change lanes, the people next to you speed up.
-> YES! Every goddamn time....-_- That or if your passing in the left lane, someone in front in the right lane will switch to the left lane and "slow you down" in some weird form of vigilante "protecting you from yourself." Same thing with truck drivers who switch to the left lane then hover beside the truck they're passing. Cowboy or anyone else, why the fuck do they do that?!?! :mad:

38. You ask the waitress for "dippy eggs" for breakfast.
-> Haha ewww I hate dippy eggs...but it's a popular choice here

39. You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
-> yep

40. There are still places you can still stop along the road to buy fruits & vegetables.
-> Yep, pass by several on a regular basis. Even companies unrelated to farming have them on the side.

41. You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.
-> Eh I see a few floating around on novelty licence plates and stuff.

42. A rich white kid driving a BMW while blasting rap music is a common occurance.
-> Yup, but any kid driving anything while blasting anything is common really

43. You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.
-> Haha, true. Fuck Godiva.

44. You think its funny when out of towners get excited over Hershey Park...when you've lived by it practically your whole life (and know every word of the man?s speech on the ride at Chocolate World)
-:lol:'s pretty ridiculous....Hershey Park is nothing special. Overcrowded really, and pricey for what you do get.

45. You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.
-> Hah yeah

46. Your high school mascot was some type of animal.
-> Yep. Wildcat, Blackhawk, Panther, Eagle...yeahhh

47. You high school was under construction, getting torn down, or they were building a NEW high school...while school was still in session.
-> Yep

48. Bomb threats happened at least once a year.
-> Nope

49. You or someone you knows basement (or yard) floods at least 3 times a year.
-> Yeah, it sucks

50. You know at least 6 different routes to go when the road to your house floods.
-> Nope

51. You have at least 2 refrigerators in your house.
-> Nope but know many who do

52. It?s not uncommon to see giant colorful cows in the middle of town.
-> Hahaha. Yeah Cow Parade is awesome. For reference FG:

53. You?ve taken a drunken picture with one of those cows.
-> No but many friends did

54. The letters CV give you feelings of deep hatred
-> Word. CV sucks.

55. "Downtown" or "Across the river" is Harrisburg & unless you live there, the only reason you go in the city is to eat or go to a bar.
-> Yep. Not true regarding the latter half, events are awesome there. You haven't lived until you've gone to at least one Kipona fest.

56. When Kokomo's burns down no one cares anymore.
-> haha

57. It?s named the "CAR"LISE Pike for a reason (dealerships)
-> So true. It's amazingly awesome for someone who's into cars. You literally can find just about any brand on the Pike.

58. The East Shore & West Shore actually mean something to you (and are like completely different planets)
-> Hahah, Kinda true.

59. You're accustomed to the smell of cows.
-> I've lived here all my life, but still haven't gotten used to it...ughhh

60. You've gotten a ticket or have been yelled at by a cop for double parking on a bridge during the Fireworks for Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor Day.
-> Nope
61. You know what Kapona is & you go every year.
-> Indeed. Every year. Same goes for Jubliee Day, American Musicfest, etc.

62. No matter how many parking garages they build you can never find a place to park on 2nd street.
-> bahaha so true. Ugh...

63. When people from other cities ask where your from you say "near Harrisburg" because its just easier to explain
-> Pretty much. Or near York when referring to my mom's house. No one knows where the hell Dover, PA is.


Forum Addict
Mar 5, 2007
Stolen from EyeQ

You separate your trash into more than five different bins. - 4.
Your front door has a sign with your family name made from salt dough. - I hate those. I really, really hate them. I would never have one of those ... they are common though.
You carry a "4You" backpack. - Nope, Eastpack & Vaude
You eat a cold dinner at 6pm. - used to in childhood. Not anymore ...
You call your cell phone "handy" and a projector "beamer". - I try not to when speaking english ...
You have no problems with nude beaches and saunas. - correct!
You have asked your Asian-American friend, "No, but where are you *really* from?" - No I don?t. Never have, never will. Have understood the concept of nationality quite early in life :)
You have gotten splinters from environmentally friendly toiled paper. - It?s not that bad ...
You call an afternoon stroll "Nordic Walking". - No. Spaziergang is what I call it.
You are shocked when you have to pay for dental care. - Shock would imply that I wouldn?t know about this change that happend quite some years ago ... but I?m not happy with it.
You own a pair of jeans in a color other than blue. - Like EyeQ, I once owned such a thing ... not anymore though
People start talking about Hitler and Hofbr?uhaus when you tell them where you're from. - has happend.
Tenth grade was all about dancing lessons. - 13th grade ...
You work 40 hour weeks and have 6 weeks of vacation a year, but complain about hard times. - I hardly work 30 hour-weeks :D
Your childhood diet consisted of Alete and Zwieback. Your college diet consisted of Miracoli and D?ner. - D?ner and Pizza ...
You were educated about sex by Dr. Sommer. - No, mislead is the correct term ...
You yell at people for jaywalking. - No.
You grew up watching "L?wenzahn" and "Die Sendung mit der Maus". And Baywatch. - Especially baywatch!
You think college tuition is an outrage. - yes.
You routinely go 100mph on the highway and tailgate heavily. - No to the second part.
On your last day of high school you made your teachers sing Karaoke and jump through hoops. - other stuff, but yes. Teacher-Prank-day was fun!
You wear brown leather shoes. - Only black leather shoes ...
Your first audio tape was Benjamin Bl?mchen and Bibi Blocksberg. - probably ...
You have ended an English sentence with "..., or?". - I don?t recall every sentence spoken in english in the last 20something years since I learned english ... but I would say, no.
You can tell at least one Manta joke. - I have a book full of them. Can?t remember any though ...
You're a college student in your 11th year. - no.
Your first sexual experience was on Sat1, Saturday night at 11pm. - I will deliberatly misinterpret that statement and reply that my first sexual experience sadly wasn?t broadcasted on national televion ... even though it would have deserved to be ... :D
You spent hours in school learning to pronounce "th". - Never mastered zhat ... gave up after some years of fruitless practice ...
You expect chocolate in your shoes on December 6th. - Peanuts! An no bloody oranges!
You complain that in other countries everything is dirty. - I complain about that here too ...
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Active Member
Nov 3, 2008
Grand Ledge MI
83 Ranger,91 STANG,82 ft500,99xrl650
you know your from Michigan when

You show people where you're
from by pointing to a spot on the back of your left hand. (Especially useful if you're from
the Thumb or the Little Finger.)

You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by.

When dairy Queen is closed from November through March.

You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

The only place in the world can you experience all four seasons in one day.

Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.

You know what a 'party store' is.

You've never met any celebrities.

"Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

At least one member of your family disowns you the week of the
Michigan / Michigan State game.

Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.

Half the change in your pocket is

You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.

It's easy to get Vernor's ginger ale, Better Made chips, Sanders hot fudge sauce, and Faygo pop.

You know how to pronounce "Mackinac."

You've had to switch on the heat and the air conditioning in the same day.

You bake with SODA and drink POP.

The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.

Your little league game was snowed out.

The word "thumb" has geographical rather than anatomical significance.

Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.

You measure distance in minutes.

When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Left."

You know that Kalamazoo not only
exists, but is only 100 miles fom Hell.

Your year has two seasons: Winter
and Construction.

Home Depot on any Saturday is
busier than toy stores at Christmas.

You know when it has rained because
of the smell of worms.

When owning a Japanese car was
a hangin' offense in your hometown.

You believe that "down south" means Toledo.

Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack and a bucket of smelt.

You know that Big Mac is something that you drive over.

You can see a car running in a parking lot with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with a preposition; example: "Where's my coat at?"

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

You think of the four major food groups as beef, pork, BBQ sauce, and beer.

You carry jumper cables and snow chains in your trunk.

You design your kids' Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving in the winter is better because the pot-holes are filled with snow.

Your favorite holidays are Christmas,Thanksgiving, and the opening of Deer Season, which you consider a National Holiday.

You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

You learned to drive a boat before you could ride a bike.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

Your snowblower has more miles on it than your car.

Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

You?ve ever used the word ?bogue.?

The "Big Three" means either Ford, Chrysler and GM, or Little Caesar's, Domino's, or Hungry Howie's.

You think alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

Your definition of a small Michigan town is one that doesn't have a lake.

You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

You attend a formal event in your best clothing, finest jewelry, and snowmobile boots.

The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.

You have experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

The orange barrel is considered Michigan's 'other' lighthouse.

When your Avatar is a picture of the late Dr. Jack kevorkian. :lol:
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