Apparently I haven't done this yet. Well go on then.
I've been driving for 13 years now, time certainly does fly. Most of the time it's been in badly made products from BL or its successors.
First car - 2008 - 2011: 1977 Land Rover Series 3 2.25 Petrol - never named
The best way to get into driving as a newbie was to grab a classic, insurance is cheaper and I wanted a Series III anyway. Lack of power anything (steering, windows, in the engine) didn't put me off and I grabbed this example somewhere around Cambridge I think. My drive was the first time I'd ever driven any Land Rover on the road, let alone an old Series motor so it was quite a lesson. A large part of the journey was on a 70mph limit dual-carriageway so I quickly learnt how to saw away at the wheel to keep it in a straight line and that I belong in the 'loser lane' at 65mph where I could be neatly overtaken by all the trucks. Two things that appealed to me were the Cobra bucket seats (trimmed in LR logo cloth) with 4-point harnesses and the fitted radio with 4 big speakers. Big speakers were necessary!
I used it well, taking it off road where other people probably wouldn't. I quickly got used to the tractor-like gears and lack of power steering, things that would probably be a shock to me again now. I never got the roof off completely like I wanted to but it was great to drive with no door tops (two bolts). The Cobra seats and 4 point harnesses were very supportive but hard and because you had no movement, your arse would go to sleep on even relatively short journeys. The harnesses and van body sides also stopped you from seeing what was coming at blind junctions, so I swapped them for a pair with Windows.
Rust was always going to be an issue with an old LR, especially so with a late 70s example. I had work done to the footwells and to the chassis under the seat box but always knew the bulkhead was going to be an issue down the line. Swapped in electronic ignition after having issues, I probably could've just swapped the coil as that was the cause of the bonnet-up break shown below but I went all the way. It made a huge difference.
I took lots of pictures, some got into a magazine while the third one below got printed on a parts manufacturer calendar.
Decided to move on after driving down to Davetouch's house in Sevenoaks for my first FG Ringmeet. I'd driven down to Guildford once before for a Land Rover show at the Dunsfold Land Rover Collection so knew it could do motorways (at 65, being overtaken by everything); however, doing so alone and in the middle of the night when already tired was just too much. I wanted to be able to drive longer distances without getting a numb arse and without thinking it would fall apart in stop-go motorway queues. Sold it to FG member KaJuN while he was based in the UK, he had the bulkhead work done and then took it back to Ohio. I believe he still has it. I'd buy it back. On the day I bought it I could've bought an ex-MOD 110 for the same price, I wonder what would be different if I had chosen that instead...
Good memories: Best green lane car, always made me smile at the start of a journey, great old car smell of grease and unburnt fuel, side-mounted exhaust used to spit oil on the neighbour's car.
Bad memories: Rust, horrible on long journeys, chasing ignition issues before I knew what I was doing, rust.
Seen on the back of a truck?: No
Second Car - 2011 - 2017: 1994 Land Rover Discovery 1 300Tdi - "Keely"
Looking at replacements for the SIII, I couldn't afford a good Defender and they were already being stolen and stripped for parts at the time so I went looking for a 300Tdi Discovery 1. I don't remember why (maybe knowing insurance costs) but I gave myself a really tight budget and ended up with this example for £1200. The floor and sills were less rotten than the other examples but it wasn't in particularly great condition and had done over 200,000 miles before I got it. The speedo was disconnected so I don't know how many miles it had really done. I really do wonder why I bought it now, on eBay, for the starting price as the only bidder. I had considered lots of other cars including Saab 900 Turbos and E28 BMWs, they were reasonably priced back then.
I fixed the little issues and then it didn't look too bad, maybe I'm being too harsh. Chucking away the odd road tyres on corroded alloys and fitting steelies with mud-terrain rubber meant it was ready to play and I went off playing with KaJuN, quickly realising that it needed a suspension lift and the tow bar needed to be removed. I had to replace the turbo in early 2012 as it started leaking too much oil into the intake, then again after I accidentally drowned it at an off road site in June of that year. It's apparent that it probably did a little more damage as the engine started smoking badly while on a green laning trip in September. A friend had a replacement engine and we changed it.
That winter I fitted a snorkel so I didn't damage the replacement engine. I continued to upgrade some more things, got the boot floor replaced, had some of the bodywork replaced and kept playing until I tried to take part in the 2016 UK roadtrip. I left the header tank cap off after filling and hit the motorway, I didn't realise the cap was off until I saw steam and stopped but by then it was too late and the head gasket was toast. Yadda yadda old head had already been skimmed too much, bought a new head but the compression was still low and in the end I just gave up, I'd had Bugsy for a year by this point.
Sold for scrap as it was always going to need a huge amount of welding. Kept anything useful, the gearbox is in Bob and I swapped the back door over too - it was a lot better than the scabby one it replaced. It sat for a bit then got carted off in 2017.
Good memories: Brilliant off road, especially after I fitted the rear air locker. Much nicer for longer journeys like the one down to see TG being filmed.
Bad memories: Rust again, wheel bearings were a pain as they didn't seem to last long. Wheels tried to escape on the M25.
Seen on the back of a truck?: Yes
Third car - 2015-2020: 2001 Land Rover Discovery 2 V8 - "Bugsy"
Bugsy - the Lord of Cheese Bottom. I can't full remember why I decided to buy another Discovery, I had attempted to set Keely up for a roadtrip before but that didn't work out so maybe I wanted something I could waft to Ringmeet in. I know I was set on an earlier V8 auto, something that was quite difficult to find then and is even more difficult to find now. Earlier because I don't particularly like the facelift D2 design, the interiors are mostly all black which looks rubbish and the expensive headlight clusters are easy to steal. I found this one and went to see it, it was clean, drove nicely and had low miles so I got it. Turns out that the dealer was a real Boycie type and they bodged repairs/services, leading to the truck being taken back up for numerous ABS work under warranty (that they failed to fix) and to me joining the Bongard club during Ringmeet 2015, when the cheap water pump they had fitted failed and pissed the coolant everywhere.
ABS issues plagued me for ages until I performed a wiring bypass that sorted it for good. The V8 was silky smooth and the gearbox was nice, having cruise control for the first time was great but also sometimes made driving more frustrating as I've mentioned elsewhere. I had to replace the rear suspension airbags and problems with the ACE hydraulic anti-roll system (a wonderful system when fully working) lead to me finally getting a replacement valve block with proper hydraulic fittings. There was also a parasitic drain on the battery and the rear sunroof kept leaking. Many reasons why a manual V8 Discovery 1 could be a lot easier to live with. I never did fit the straight-through silencer replacement pipe as someone welded the mid box in and I could never be bothered to deal with it in case it was too loud.
Bugsy was the lifeboat of the roadtrip/Ringmeet 2016 after the failure of Keely and many other cars, it was fully loaded with stuff and people before taking on UK border control with 4 different nationalities/forms of ID. It's OK, we're from the internet. No rubber gloves for us, thanks.
Sold to re-pay the money I borrowed for the deposit on the Tesla. I do miss it, I heard that it flew through the MOT last year.
Good memories: Mini roadtrip 2015, Ringmeet 2016, sounded pretty good, nicer to drive than the Disco 1, looked really tidy. Also cruise control!
Bad memories: Ringmeet 2015, three amigos (ABS, TC and HDC lights), leaky hydraulics, batteries problems and sunroof leaks.
Seen on the back of a truck?: Yes (covered in decals and an pride sticker)
Fourth car - 2017 - present: 1990 Land Rover Discovery 1 200Tdi Bobtail - "Stubby Bob Junior"
I wanted something to replace Keely and was looking for something that had already been prepared. Knowing that the body on Keely was getting very rusty, I had been looking at space frame conversions so stuff with roll cages appealed to me. A friend from the Land Rover club I was in had built this truck and it was always at the shows and play sites doing its thing - very impressively too. I had bought the old Nissan Skyline intercooler from it for Keely after it had been removed from Bob to make way for a bigger winch and always thought that I'd like to own a similar truck one day. So when I saw it for sale I jumped at the chance. Initial impressions were good but the first test drive showed some problems, the gearbox was like stirring concrete blocks and the steering was woolly as all hell. Still bought it, was always going to.
I replaced the gearbox with the one from Keely, a later R380 box that was smoother and didn't suffer from the faults of the earlier LT77. The power steering unit went over too, it wasn't very old. Those fixed the two major issues and I was able to enjoy it. The 33" extreme off road (remould) tyres were deemed too dry-rotted to pass the MOT that year so were replaced, the best is in the back as a spare as that was just a normal-sized tyre when I got it. a 33" tyre does fit in the back of a bobtailed Disco - just. I took the tank out in 2018 to de-rust and repaint it, also fitting a float fuel gauge as the sight tube it had was useless. I upgraded the dashboard last year and recently fitted a short-shift kit to help improve gear changes.
I've enjoyed playing in it but wouldn't drive it very far, it would be similar to the situation with the SIII. I've considered re-fitting the intercooler to bring the power back up but this engine is really old and I don't want to stress it too much, it's fine for what I do with it. Maybe when diesels get banned I will fit a V8. The big tyres hate cambered, potholed roads and it definitely keeps you awake.
Good memories so far: Realising that I could get it, getting it, fixing it up, enjoying it off road, knowing I have a well built truck.
Bad memories so far: Refitting the clutch specifically when changing the gearbox, multiple transfer box linkage issues that never occurred with Keely despite it being the same damn gearbox. I forgot to close the bonnet when I first got it (shitty bonnet pins) and it flew up, that was bad.
Seen on the back of a truck?: No
Fifth car - 2018 - 2020: 2005 Smart Roadster Coupe - don't remember if I gave it a named
My first non-Land Rover. I wanted something small, fun and quirky with a soft-top and the Roadster fitted perfectly. The car I got wasn't perfect, with several faults hidden. The turbo wastegate wasn't actually connected so it was down on power, I refitted it and thought everything was fine. It was until Ringmeet 2018, where it went into limp mode for no apparent reason and I drove home with no boost, being overtaken by trucks again. It rained very heavily in Belgium. A few days after getting home the car was completely dead, caused by water in the SAM unit (BCU).
The SAM was sent to a specialist and pronounced dead, so I got a replacement along with the engine ECU and instruments (coded to the engine ECU) and swapped it all out. Problem solved. The new SAM was conformally coated to prevent any more water damage and the ducting around it sealed to prevent water ingress. The weekend before the first service was booked at the specialist, a coolant pipe failed and it had to be taken there on the back of a truck. Overheated for no reason on the motorway, caused by a random airlock in the cooling system that is down to bad design. Then there's the 2019 roadtrip, where the limp mode issues kept occurring and a boost pipe sort of melted.
Cause eventually traced to the adjustment on the wastegate actuator causing overboost, annoying that I had the back off at Ringmeet 2019 but didn't check the adjustment. The gauge shows a fake boost reading and would never show overboost. Anyway, it worked great after that with no faults. Robotic manual was pretty terrible, especially when trying to merge quickly in traffic.
Sold like Bugsy due to the Tesla arriving. Don't know if I would've kept it, I would never be able to shake the feeling that it could go wrong at any minute. It has changed owners since I sold it so maybe it did go wrong again.
Good memories: Very nice to get the top down, great fun on country roads and on the roadtrip. Sounded pretty good with the 3-pot and the squirrel mincer.
Bad memories: Flaky electronics, A-pillar seals would somehow let water in if you drove with the windows closed and roof open during rain. Shitty auto clutch. Not really big enough to carry everything for a roadtrip.
Seen on the back of a truck?: Yes
Sixth car - 2020 - present: 2020 Tesla Model 3 Performance - "Nebula"
Bit of a strange choice this one, going from relatively cheap old stuff to financing a brand new EV. Well there is some method to my madness. I've been working for the same company since 2008 (I started a week before buying the SIII) and have always travelled into the office by train. the station in my town is nearby, the town in the city is a 10 minute walk from the office. However, the service has gradually got more shit and the price has gradually gone up and I was sick of it. Combine this with experiencing Leviathan's Model 3 in 2019 and it was kind of inevitable.
I've said for years that if I have to buy a 'normal' car to commute it has to be something nicer than an econobox or I would just get bored out of my mind. Anything Octavia vRS upwards would work, the company had one as an pool car at one point and it was really quite nice. I could've got a nice big-engined BMW but cost wise, there was also no way I could afford the fuel for something thirsty combined with the tax of such beast. The multi-storey car park near the office also had a deal for EV owners.
Since this could be my only chance to finance a new car (I'd like to get on the housing ladder afterwards and this was kind of a test of what I could afford per month) I wanted the best, so test-drove the Model 3 Performance in February last year (they kept it back for me, how nice). This was my first time in a RHD Tesla and Milton Keynes isn't exactly a test track but I just loved the way it drove and ordered mine the next day. THEN 2020 HAPPENED. I tracked my car across the ocean from San Francisco but it seems that the ship was also bringing a boatload of COVID as my car became trapped in Solihull. Some conversations and changed paperwork later and this identical car arrived on a truck. As per usual with Tesla, there were a couple of quality issues to be resolved by service: the spoiler wasn't attached right and the trim by the drivers C pillar window was all out of whack. Easily fixed.
Since then I've been furloughed, then working from home with only a few days per month in the office so it only has 2560 miles on it. I've wrapped the piano black centre console, had the car detailed and ceramic coated, had a set of alloy-gaiters fitted after I scuffed a wheel and fitted/removed a winter wheel/tyre set. I really enjoy driving it, it can be extremely relaxed when you want but a quiet electric bullet when you want some fun. Autosteer and adaptive CC are just nice features to make traffic of all types less stressful.
Don't know how long I'll have it, officially I have it for three more years but a lot could change. Not having charging at home is more of an issue than I had hoped, as I'm not in the city to use the public chargers and when I did try, one was out of order and the other being taken by a council van. I've been able to run a cable out there occasionally but not often, finding the 150kW filling station chargers that I tried earlier in the week really helps.
Good memories so far: Goes like stink, quiet, takes the stress from driving, nice integrated media system, free road tax, cheaper per mile to run than any equivalent ICE car.
Bad memories so far: A pain to charge, wheels easily damaged. Expensive monthly payments.
Seen on the back of a truck?: Yes (being delivered)
