I was going to keep this until the last show aired but as it's not going out till after Christmas I've just posted it on the TG site blog
So as promised I'm posting it on here too.
‘Twas the night before Christmas when all through the hangar,
Nothing was stirring, not a single old banger.
The stockings were hung by the lap board with care,
In the hope some new sports cars would find their way there.
The Hamster was nestled all snug in his bed,
While visions of Porsches danced in his head.
James in his jumper, and Stiggie in white
Had just settled their brains for the long winter’s night,
When out on the track there arose such a clatter
Hamster leapt from his bed to see what was the matter.
Away to a window he flew in a flash.
Small, but determined to give someone a bash.
The moon it shone down on the dark, empty track
And Hamster saw nothing so turned to go back,
When what to his wondering eyes should appear
But a bloody great Merc, moving fast in top gear.
With a very tall driver, who else could it be?
He knew in a moment it must be J.C.
More rapid than eagles his wheel spins they came,
And he whooped and he shouted and called out cars’ names.
“Now Koenigsegg, Bugatti, Atom and Aston,
Ferrari, Radical, Zonda and Morgan!
To the end of the track, then to the Cool Wall,
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”
“What the hell are you doing?” the Hamster did cry.
Now James was awake too and started to sigh,
“Clarkson, you pillock, it’s nearly midnight!
And Santa won’t come if we don’t do things right.”
Then in a twinkling J.C. screeched to a stop.
“I’m Santa this year so don’t get in a strop.”
Out of the car, across the cold ground
And into the hangar he came with a bound.
He was all dressed in denim, from his head to his feet
And he grinned at the boys for he’d brought them a treat.
A bundle of car keys he had in his pocket
And ‘specially for James, a new set of sockets.
A new Porsche for Hamster, a Roller for May
And Stig, he was silent, with nothing to say
For there in the moonlight, all shiny and new
A Bugatti Veyron – Stiggie knew what to do.
He jumped in the seat and zoomed off at high speed.
The others, both grinning, followed his lead.
J.C. laughed as he watched them, and his little round belly
Shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.
Out on the track Stig drove faster and faster
With Richard and James both following after.
Then at the last corner there came a surprise
And J.C., he couldn’t believe his own eyes.
James overtook Stig on that very last bend
Then slid to a halt and waved at his friend.
“Jezza, you oaf! You’ve put nitrous in here!
I’ve beaten the Stig but I’ve broken fifth gear!”
J.C. grinned a huge grin and got back in his car
He set off down the track but he hadn’t gone far
When they heard him exclaim, with a spin of his wheels
“This Santa Claus lark, just how hard can it be?”