Hammond In Car Crash - (Now Moved from Leeds 28/09)

new sniff petrol has a fantastic piss take of the media response.
 
Lynd Nelion said:
The jet car crash involving Top Gear's Richard Hammond came as absolutely no surprise to me. Frankly, it was only a matter of time until I was able to use an accident in which someone was critically injured as an excuse to air my sanctimonious views. As soon as I heard about the accident, my first thought was to get straight to my word processor, and I suspect I was not alone. After all, Top Gear has been a success story just waiting to be knocked.

In truth I'm shocked that it's taken this long for a terrible tragedy of the kind that I can exploit for my own self-centred means to occur. Top Gear is quite simply a childish and crass programme and its presenters have for some time been recklessly popular, well-liked and earning more than me. Clearly this couldn't go on; I was bound to ring the Daily Mail and ask if they wanted some thoughtless, pious waffle about them, I'm just glad I had the near death of a man with a wife and two small children to give me the opportunity to air those views whilst he was still in Intensive Care.

Of course, Richard Hammond isn't the first utterly foolish dare devil to make me want to compensate for pathetically wasting my life by writing hollow invective in a newspaper. I'm put in mind of other immature show offs such as Donald Campbell, Richard Noble and of course Chuck Yeager. All of them were gripped with that same childish desire to show off to others, strutting about attempting to further the sum total of mankind's knowledge whilst the more sensible amongst us quietly rolled our eyes and realised that we were has-been hacks who had slipped just below the man from Amateur Pig Breeding magazine in the list of people who manufacturers will lend cars to.

These people were threats to society, just as Richard Hammond and his Top Gear chums now threaten to make me file yet another inarticulate and bile sodden rant to a pathetic facsimile of a 'newspaper'. Instead of trying to show their bravado by going for speed records, the Top Gear team would do well to set a better example by striving for more reasonable records such as 'Least Popular Man In Car Journalism', 'Bitterest Hack Who'll Write Anything For Money', or even 'Most Mean Spirited Old Twat Who Should Know When To Shut His Fucking Trap'. Although I'm happy to report that all those records are currently held by me.
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Way to stick it to 'im, SP! :thumbsup:
 
BerserkerCatSplat said:
Lynd Nelion said:
The jet car crash involving Top Gear's Richard Hammond came as absolutely no surprise to me. Frankly, it was only a matter of time until I was able to use an accident in which someone was critically injured as an excuse to air my sanctimonious views. As soon as I heard about the accident, my first thought was to get straight to my word processor, and I suspect I was not alone. After all, Top Gear has been a success story just waiting to be knocked.

In truth I'm shocked that it's taken this long for a terrible tragedy of the kind that I can exploit for my own self-centred means to occur. Top Gear is quite simply a childish and crass programme and its presenters have for some time been recklessly popular, well-liked and earning more than me. Clearly this couldn't go on; I was bound to ring the Daily Mail and ask if they wanted some thoughtless, pious waffle about them, I'm just glad I had the near death of a man with a wife and two small children to give me the opportunity to air those views whilst he was still in Intensive Care.

Of course, Richard Hammond isn't the first utterly foolish dare devil to make me want to compensate for pathetically wasting my life by writing hollow invective in a newspaper. I'm put in mind of other immature show offs such as Donald Campbell, Richard Noble and of course Chuck Yeager. All of them were gripped with that same childish desire to show off to others, strutting about attempting to further the sum total of mankind's knowledge whilst the more sensible amongst us quietly rolled our eyes and realised that we were has-been hacks who had slipped just below the man from Amateur Pig Breeding magazine in the list of people who manufacturers will lend cars to.

These people were threats to society, just as Richard Hammond and his Top Gear chums now threaten to make me file yet another inarticulate and bile sodden rant to a pathetic facsimile of a 'newspaper'. Instead of trying to show their bravado by going for speed records, the Top Gear team would do well to set a better example by striving for more reasonable records such as 'Least Popular Man In Car Journalism', 'Bitterest Hack Who'll Write Anything For Money', or even 'Most Mean Spirited Old Twat Who Should Know When To Shut His Fucking Trap'. Although I'm happy to report that all those records are currently held by me.
Click to expand...

Way to stick it to 'im, SP! :thumbsup:
Click to expand...
Gotta love SP!

I need to order my stop the cock shirt before they're all gone
 
Any news? Or is it "the six months of recovery" that we know of?

haz
 
I don't think we'll hear too much more until he's ready to appear in public.
I'm wondering if he's home and nothing's been said so he can get on with his recovery quietly - you can't imagine him being the kind of person to feel comfortable with all the fuss.
I'm betting he'll be ready to come back around December time - partly based on Jeremy Clarkson's piece in the times about the 3 of them making a Christmas no. 1.
In any case, no news is good news, as they say.
 
newbie said:
I don't think we'll hear too much more until he's ready to appear in public.
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Well there was a rumour he was going to "support" the guys at the Earls Court MPH show the week after next. I think it was mentioned in one of the London free papers- like London Lite. I'll see if i can find the link.

It's all speculation though as this hasn't been verified by anyone else and it was that paper too that said he would be going home in about 10 days (and that was about 10 days ago). So i dunno- draw you own conclusions. :|
 
I'm really looking forward to seeing him back to his old self. Let's just hope it doesn't take too long.
 
I just heard on the radio James May saying Richard has severe short term memory loss. i.e. can't remember what he's eaten suring the day etc. I've looked across the web for more info but found nothing. :(
 
i heard that too. it was in one of the papers, but i can't remember which one. you gotta remember that hospital food is pretty forgettable... :mrgreen:

hope it ain't true :(
 
anyone interested... the mirror have a hammond exclusive starting tomorrow

apparently it's in his own words.
 
The Hamster speaks! Four separate articles included.

* * *

HAMMOND EXCLUSIVE: 'MY NOSE AND EARS WERE FULL OF EARTH ..I WAS INHALING A FIELD'
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_hea...objectid=17976397&siteid=94762-name_page.html

HAMMOND EXCLUSIVE: 'I FELT MAD AS A BAG OF SNAKES. MY MIND WAS LIKE A FOREIGN PLACE, NOTHING IN IT BUT BLANKNESS'
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_hea...objectid=17976398&siteid=94762-name_page.html

HAMMOND EXCLUSIVE: 'I HAD THIS INCREDIBLE PHYSICAL LONGING TO SEE THE KIDS..THEY HAVE BEEN SO BRAVE'
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_hea...objectid=17976403&siteid=94762-name_page.html

RICHARD: LEGO SAVED MY LIFE
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_hea...objectid=17976399&siteid=94762-name_page.html
 
Exceedingly interesting articles, they really give perspective to what it'd be like to have that sort of injury.

Also, his comment about being disappointed that he won't have any long-lasting marks from the incident really struck home with me. It seems kinda silly, but I struck a barbed wire fence while driving an ATV (with my GF on the back, no less) at... some speed a couple of years ago. I remember standing there, bleeding like a stuck pig and thinking, wow, these are going to make some great scars! I requested to not have any stitches, and I now have seven two-inch scars that I'm proud as hell of. If anyone asks me how I got them, I always initially say I got in a chainsaw fight. :lol:
 
Big respect to him for what he's been through, to be still trying to smile about it. He totally deserves to recover fully from this and I for one will be rooting for him until he's back to normal and back on our screens.
 
Fascinating articles - give a great insight into the struggle he's been through, and is still facing. Get well soon mate.
 
OH DEAR GOD NO!!!!

one of hamster's expensive teeth has been chipped!

"There are people who fall off their trikes at the age of four who've got better injuries than me. I've been through hell and I've got nothing to show for it except a chipped tooth! I'm gutted.
 
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