The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

6x02 Cheap coupe that isn't a Porsche challenge.

Mira testing guy with speed gun: Error
Jeremy: What do you mean error?
Richard: He'll never do that again!
Jeremy: Why doesn't that happen with the police?
 
Jeremy Clarkson on Chrysler Crossfire:

"I've been trying to think what it is that this shape reminds me of, and last night it came to me. You know when a dog is doing its Number 2? That kind of arched back thing? Thats what it is!"

Pure brilliance!

04chryslercrossfirer34500_127.jpg
 
"Every man should own a Ferrari once in a lifetime" J.M., or something like that....
Anybody knows, what exactly he said or wrote(was it in TG or his column?)?


off. I've just registered on the forum, although i've been reading it for quite some time:D
oh, and merry christmas to everyone
 
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:hammond: "Jeremy, it didn't open and if something doesn't open, it's not a door."
:jc: "It did open."
:hammond: "It didn't."
:jc: "It did when it fell off."
:hammond: "You can't claim that!"

"Don't know what you're gloating about, naught-man."

"Your van rolled over!"
"I could have been killed!"
"So? You'd have still come last."
 
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RH "Everything that it was, it still is and when you drive one, here, doing this, the mechanical interface between you and it, it does take you into its ..."
 
JC "I know, I know, we're back in bloody Florida..."
oh and
JC "I dislike Florida a great deal, everyone on the gulf coast is 150 years old."
Edit: Hope there's nobody from Florida to neg rep me.
 
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All we have to do is pull this cable out... and attach? it to a tree!

*looks around*

oh bugger.
 
When they said they were just sold in Korea:
Jezza: Hello you industrious little fellas!
 
I love this exchange: (s09e06)
James May: You know that new law, about kids under 4ft 5", they have to use a booster seat in the car... [interrupted by JC pointing to Hamster going "He does"...]
James May: Allright, people under 4ft 5" have to use a booster seat in the car, but in North Yorkshire the police say they cannot enforce that law, and you know why? They do not have th... [breaks down laughing] They do not have the legal [breaks down laughing]
JC: I can't wait for this now.
James May: Because they do not have the legal right to m.m measure children
James May: Imagine if you see a policeman measuring your child? Quick! Call the., erm.
Hamster: So they have to do what they usually do, put up some new camera by the road to monitor children in cars to make [interrupted]
JC: No, no, no, no, you can't video children, have you ever been to a school sports day? You have to ask every parent there before you are allowed to take the camera out of the boot.
Hamster: Well go to your own kids' sports day


Also has "My brothers Abdul Martin-shop"
 
Jetlagged Jeremy, having flown across the pond to inspect the 'American build quality' of the Mercedes ML320, revealing the lack of front-seat room:
My soundman told me there's even less space in the front of this than there is in the economy section of a long-haul British Airways jet.
Click to expand...
Old Top Gear, 23 Apr 1998
 
"Do they em, still make those out of wood?"
"Yep, engines out of an old boat."
 
JC - I have an announcement to make
RH - Ohhh is it time?

JM - You utter plum sack.
 
May: "otherwise you'll end up like Elvis -- dead sitting on the toilet, all bloated and sweaty, trying to force 50 cheeseburgers from your poop shoot."
 

So many quotes I love from that.
 
Hey everyone, probably not ideal thread to ask but what the hell. Reading Jezza's "What Could Possibly Go Wrong" and didn't get one joke. Can some native speakers help me out?

"The winner has great hair, thick forearms, a smattering of
jewellery and a handshake that could squeeze juice from a tree.
He works in marketing, knows what Ebitda means and speaks in
a rich, deep voice to demonstrate to everyone within earshot
that if his life had taken a different course and he?d ended up in
a rock band, he?d have had no need on stage for a length of
hosepipe in his trousers."

What the hell does that last part mean? He's got a big dick and he wouldn't need it on stage? What? :D

Thanks!
 
KarlosCV said:
Hey everyone, probably not ideal thread to ask but what the hell. Reading Jezza's "What Could Possibly Go Wrong" and didn't get one joke. Can some native speakers help me out?

"The winner has great hair, thick forearms, a smattering of
jewellery and a handshake that could squeeze juice from a tree.
He works in marketing, knows what Ebitda means and speaks in
a rich, deep voice to demonstrate to everyone within earshot
that if his life had taken a different course and he?d ended up in
a rock band, he?d have had no need on stage for a length of
hosepipe in his trousers."

What the hell does that last part mean? He's got a big dick and he wouldn't need it on stage? What? :D



Thanks!
Click to expand...

That's exactly what it means. :)
 
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