The best ever Clarkson,Hammond and May Quotes

8x06

JC: How do I release the excrement?
RH: Oh you're so on your own with that job!

Can you see I'm working my way through the series again? :D
 
Wow it is hard to decide. Liked every episode, especially the news and road-trips, for quotes, but I liked season six particularly, so here goes...(quotes are not exact)

hammond-
(to james)"If you ask me to dance, I'll stab you" (they were both "out" together on the boat racing jeremy)

"What I hate about waiting at airports is that you get there to check -in an hour early, and then you have to sit around doing nothing. You have nothing to do but buy useless, overpriced tat at shops." (james walks in, hands him a plastic jacket) "Yeah, you just made my point there mate."

(backing up a caravan) "back, back back, back back... BACK! BACK BACK!" (jeremy "Why didn't you say forward?") "well, I meant, uh, the other back..."

may-
(to richard)"You know, I've really enjoyed our day out together richard. it's not very often I get to take people out to a nice dinner" (and hammond's response, he sets his fork down a looks at the camera, troubled).

(jeremy complains about the train while they are carvaning) James- "I don't mind the sound of the train. It's romantic" (richard "Don't say things like that, I'm in the SAME bed as you!")



clarkson-
"...so the office has kindly provided me with two cds- 'teach yourself norwegian' (tosses it away) no thanks, fluent already. And (laughs) 101 classic speeches from... Mrs. Thatcher! (impression) 'No, no,no,no,no,no, this lady's NOT for turning"

"Tallest race on Earth, the Dutch. Watch the most TG too. Mind you, they do take alot of drugs. That's why they like Top Gear so much. Hello Dutchy (moves his head around and smiles weirdly). series 6 ep 6

(hammond asks, "you brought an AK-47?!") "well, I thought, two days in a box with James May- what would I
bring?" (hammond) "You're not a practical man, are you Jeremy?"

(about hammond and may while caravanning) " you two are in the same bed. I'm ringing the daily mail immediately"
 
My absolute favorite is when they are racing the McLaren SLR versus the boat to Oslo in Season Six, and when JC gets in the tunnel train:

JC: "I wonder what's the fastest anyone has ever gone in a tunnel train........*blips throttle* NO, no, no, no...grow up..."
 
I was just amused while watching the latest ep. I've got to know that my destiny is to become a plumer. Yeah :D

Btw, 'commy' cars rule. I've been a passenger of Polonez, Trabant and Fiat 125p as a child... None of all cars has the unique smell of cheap gasoline combined with this hanging-tree freshener fregrence (which in fact always smells like perfumed old socks)
 
Tarmac Attack said:
My absolute favorite is when they are racing the McLaren SLR versus the boat to Oslo in Season Six, and when JC gets in the tunnel train:

JC: "I wonder what's the fastest anyone has ever gone in a tunnel train........*blips throttle* NO, no, no, no...grow up..."
Click to expand...

That quote just sums up JC. It's so deliciously childish. :D

This one is from 8x08 with the vans, when Hammond is trying to get close to the bumper.

JM: "He's 31.9 millimetres away which is a vast yawning chasm!"
JC: "You could park a bus in that gap Hammond!"

After the door attaching exercise:

RH: James, meanwhile, was taking so long that he ran out of time.
JM: I was about to finish.
RH: No you weren't! You were fiddling with your spanners, polishing them! -mimes cleaning them-
JC: You'd given them all names! -imitates James: This is Jeffrey, this is Ian, this is Steven...-
JM: Get on with it.
 
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(on the boat to oslo enjoying some supper) JM: i've really enjoyed our night out Richard, is not very often that i take someone out for a nice dinner. priceless
 
"It's no wonder Michael Schumacker retired: he's slower than me!" ~ James, while taking the Bugatti Veyron up to its top speed, S9E2

"We get a lot of letters saying we need to feature more green cars. So, here's one." (Camera cuts to shot of lime green Lamborghini.) ~ Jeremy, at the beginning of S6

"I have repetitive oversteer injury." ~ Jeremy during the news segment for S6E7, after it was revealed that his doctor banned him from driving for six months

"It's idling. You fat, Aussie slacker!" ~ James, while driving the Vauxhall/Holden Monaro VXR, S5E1

"It's news to warm the hearts of nations: Jeremy Clarkson has lost his voice." (Wild cheers and applause.) ~ James at the beginning of the news, S12E6

"It speaks!" ~ Richard after Jeremy makes an attempt to say something, same episode as above
 
JC:
"And yes, while it's true that giving a talk at the Hay-on-Wye literary festival last week, I foolishly joked about driving through a London tunnel at 186 miles an hour.... Not something I'm proud of.... attending a welsh book fair!"
 
"Even the main roads in Norway are snow covered. The back roads are made up of what appears to be a rip-snorting wheel-twirling combination of ice, banana skins and Fairy Liquid. " JC reviewing a Mercedes ML320 in Norway, written in TimesOnline
 
"He's woken up stuck in a lorry cab with five firemen." - Richard Hammond's 'deep concern' after James drove his lorry through a wall of bottled water (S12x01).

"*through laughter* The thing is, it's not going away! It's still there!" - As Jeremy's ?100 Volvo pulls away very unimpressively with Stig at the wheel (S4X03).

"But with this, you would get a lot of 'badge'." - Jeremy on the Lamborghini Reventon, pronounced 'Rebenton'. (S10x03)
 
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Tarmac Attack said:
My absolute favorite is when they are racing the McLaren SLR versus the boat to Oslo in Season Six, and when JC gets in the tunnel train:

JC: "I wonder what's the fastest anyone has ever gone in a tunnel train........*blips throttle* NO, no, no, no...grow up..."
Click to expand...

thats a really cool 1 i liked....:mrgreen:
 
12x03, when fitting a F1 wing onto the Renault Avantime...

Hammond: "Fact: F1 cars have spoilers on. They go like the clappers, ergo: success."
 
For me, personally, one of the funniest quotes (which was shown again in the latest episode) is James' "Hello" towards the ladies. Ultimatively James May ... I for my part was rolling on the floor. ;)
 
James in 12x07

"Terribly important that, if you don't do that, you get hydrogen all over your shoes."
 
When talking about an old british car that I cant remember the name of:

Jeremy: So what we're saying then, is that this lovely old car is the embodiment of a... nice cup of tea in front of a roaring log fire.

Richard: Yes, it is, it's like settling down in a warm and well stocked library in a country house with a good book and a labrador curled up at your feet, and nothing to do until its time to dress for dinner.

Jeremy: *Collapses on bonnet, laughing*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onyk0dVKT2U

0:50 - 1:14
 
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