The 2nd annual Wacky Race - RACE THREAD.

@BlaRo: I'll up that with a surround sound system thrown in the mix as well.

"Wellington you imbecile! You hit the wrong car! I said that one!"
"Terribly sorry, sir."

The fog lights retract and send small missiles in the direction of Team Veloce. They hit and cause the coolant to leak out of the engine.
 
Color TV? Surround sound? Bang and Olafsony? Back up guys, this is far too overwhelming for a sexy 70s stud like Disco Stu here! Tell you what, upgrade me to a Commodore 1902A 13" PAL Composite monitor with ultra-rare Hercules Color Card so I can watch old episodes of B.J. and the Bear, THEN we'll make a deal. The Diplomatica doesn't hustle for nobody. (Also, it doesn't really hustle at all on account of the weight of the Gatling laser cannon and its 12 heat extractors.)
 
Done.
 
First transmission of the day from Team Espace F1:


It seems as though all the chaos has been avoided, but we seem to have lost another engine during the night. The Ferrari 041 V12 is slotted in its place. While everyone has been squabbling and going at war with each other, we seem to have re-taken the lead of the race. The Isle of Man Ironman is back behind the wheel.
 
"You heard that transmission, Wellington. Deploy the bubble wall out of the boot to stop those Veloce pillocks, and give it full throttle. I want Team Renault overtaken within the hour."

"Consider it done, sir."
 
"Rene and Andrea, get ready to block and push off whatever comes up behind us."

"Will do."

Rene gets in the Ligier JS33 which he used so effectively to block people, towed now by the Espace, and Andrea gets in the McLaren MP4/1 that he shunted so much. Both cars are now optimised for blocking and pushing off.
 
darkshark0159 said:
Done.
Click to expand...

The Gatling laser cannon rises from the custom-built Swarovski Crystal bubble-top (handcrafted by Ed Roth himself for his famous "Beatnik Bandit II"; his actual skull still proudly adorns the top) and in one blazing display of light and brilliance obliterates (insert antagonizing team here) to smithereens. It gently retracts back into its custom enclosure (designed by Nikola Tesla himself from his original drawings; his actual skull still proudly adorns the top) and the Stutz returns to its normal cruising speed of 6.0221415 ? 10^23 miles per hour.
 
After 2 hours undergoing repairs, the Pacer is rolling again. Also during this time, an additional fuel tank was fitted in the former engine compartment.
 
BlaRo said:
The Gatling laser cannon rises from the custom-built Swarovski Crystal bubble-top (handcrafted by Ed Roth himself for his famous "Beatnik Bandit II"; his actual skull still proudly adorns the top) and in one blazing display of light and brilliance obliterates Team Renault to smithereens. It gently retracts back into its custom enclosure (designed by Nikola Tesla himself from his original drawings; his actual skull still proudly adorns the top) and the Stutz returns to its normal cruising speed of 6.0221415 ? 10^23 miles per hour.
Click to expand...

Oh, Team Renault, I'm sorry. That puts the Rolls back out in front.

/Thanks BlaRo!
 
It seems as if Team BlaRo has missed its target. Their cannon actually hit a normal Renault Espace which was a few cm away from our car, parked on the side of the road. It was yellow and carbaged, so it looked a lot like my team's car.

The owner is very p*ssed off and is now waiting by the side of the road with a crowbar in order to kill the driver of Team BlaRo.
 
"Oh, well. I guess I'll just have to take care of you myself. I've just deployed a secret weapon, and in time, you'll see what I mean."

For now, a horrible, rotten, disgusting smell spews from your air con vents which are locked in the open position.
 
"Jump out!"

We've piled ourselves inside the two blocker cars which have proceeded to the Porsche museum and test track, conveniently located some 100 meters away.

Oh, the power! We've now squashed ourselves inside two Porsche 962s and are underway again at Hunaudieres-esque speed. The Espace is being towed behind, with the doors open and the horrible, rotten, disgusting smell being directed towards the followers. Including the car of Count Wilhelm von Smythe. It penetrates through all kinds of armor in the direction in which it's pointed, so it intoxicates the aristocrat that did this to us.


As soon as the Count is intoxicated, the smell vanishes and the Espace is once again safe.
 
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All of the road signs are in German near the museum, and you come to a strange fork in the road. Because you left your map in the other car, you don't know which way to go. Will it be left, or right? (I have already picked the correct one, and if you choose the wrong one, I'll get ahead. No cheating, I promise.)
 
We did take the correct one, got a couple of 962s which towed the Espace and intoxicated you, and now the smell is gone, so we abandoned the Porsches and are back in the Espace F1. Ahead of you.


But we have no *beep*ing idea where we actually are in the race.
 
/Way to play along... you were supposed to pick left or right. <_< Anyway, by my calculations, we have around 930 miles to go.
 
Through yet another wrong turn, Team Scorched Earth finds themselves lost in a forest, but they have picked up a talking blue orb with 'WARP' written on it in large green letters. They don't know what to do with it, because nobody on the team understands Korean.
 
"Hmm, I'll use Google Translate on my iPhone for you.... for a price."
 
In other news, we have come across the shattered remains of Team BlaRo's cannon. It seems to have been broken off with a crowbar and then hit numberless times until it was smashed up beyound recognition and functionality.
 
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