NEWS: Jeremy Clarkson Terminally Ill
It?s all very hush-hush at the moment, but Jeremy Clarkson has a terminal illness. While it might be related to his years of smoking cigarettes, medical authorities posit that it actually stems from Clarkson's black heart.
Apparently, surgical efforts have not been effective, and the very large growth lodged in his rectum (a bug) is eating away at him. Despite that, he?s his usual upbeat self, though it is clear in watching him walk (seen in the latest Top Gear episodes) that he?s favoring his anus (which most, if not all, Englishmen do).
To make matters worse, he?s had at least one medical complication resulting from chemotherapy. Specifically, instead of shrinking the large insect, the chemotherapy has shrunk his already diminutive penis. The silver lining to this side-effect is that the decrease in the size of his manliness has led to a corresponding increase in his hate, something that sustains him.
Many of his peers, such as Piers Morgan, are devastated. Now, the only pansy Mr. Morgan will be able to smash is the one in his garden. Not to worry, Jism?s wife has already had one of her enormous front teeth pulled for the production of a headstone once he passes on. As a side note, the tooth is so typically English and large, excess portions of it are being donated to piano makers throughout London.
You can send e-mails of well wishes to "Jism.Clarkson at whingingpom dot com".
It?s all very hush-hush at the moment, but Jeremy Clarkson has a terminal illness. While it might be related to his years of smoking cigarettes, medical authorities posit that it actually stems from Clarkson's black heart.
Apparently, surgical efforts have not been effective, and the very large growth lodged in his rectum (a bug) is eating away at him. Despite that, he?s his usual upbeat self, though it is clear in watching him walk (seen in the latest Top Gear episodes) that he?s favoring his anus (which most, if not all, Englishmen do).
To make matters worse, he?s had at least one medical complication resulting from chemotherapy. Specifically, instead of shrinking the large insect, the chemotherapy has shrunk his already diminutive penis. The silver lining to this side-effect is that the decrease in the size of his manliness has led to a corresponding increase in his hate, something that sustains him.
Many of his peers, such as Piers Morgan, are devastated. Now, the only pansy Mr. Morgan will be able to smash is the one in his garden. Not to worry, Jism?s wife has already had one of her enormous front teeth pulled for the production of a headstone once he passes on. As a side note, the tooth is so typically English and large, excess portions of it are being donated to piano makers throughout London.
You can send e-mails of well wishes to "Jism.Clarkson at whingingpom dot com".
