Overheard in the office

93Flareside

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Overheard in the office

Well, it was a joke but, I do want to pursue the audio thing more. I actually like doing it whereas my current job is just ok but, I like the benefits and other perks.
 
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MWF

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Female Colleague: (looking at the day's sales figure on the TV on the wall) I'm still second! I don't want to come second!

Me: Said every woman I've ever known!
 

MadCat360

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Birthday party karting.

Kid gets out of kart after last race, mom says "what do you say?" pointing at me.

Kid says "is that it?!"

I almost fell over.
 

MWF

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You're thinking of the Spanish. Or the Greeks.
 

mclarensmps

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At my old workplace

Colleague (if you can call him that) on his new Honda Accord: Yeah man, this is the newest 2013 model. The V6 has TWO VTECs!

Me: Is that so? How does that work, then?

Colleague: The first VTEC kicks in at 2000 RPM, and then after 4.5k the second VTEC kicks in, and you can really feel it!

Me: *Turns around and walks away*

That's word for word, how it played out. I didn't want to waste any more time on the subject.
 

MWF

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So we went to the local fishmongers and got a bag of shell on king prawns to go with some fresh bread and salad for lunch in the office. Afterwards.......

Female colleague: There's nothing wrong with a little bit of what you fancy.

Me: That's precisely what I told the policeman.

Her: What policeman?

Me: The one who confiscated my tactical nuke while demanding I remove my penis from the dachshund.
 

MWF

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Not in the office but......

Picking up my other half's kids from their Dad's the other day and waiting for her eldest (14) to get her act together.......

Her: Teenagers! Who'd have 'em?

Me: Rolf Harris?
 

Red_Bull

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So the story goes a guy brought his little granddaughter into work one afternoon, sat her down at a table with some pencils and paper and told her to colour while he quickly sorted some stuff out. Nearby is a waste of space manager, who, apart from filling the coffee machine, ensures the productivity and safety charts on the wall are kept up to date. Big squares coloured either green for good or red for bad.

Our guy comes back, notices the manager (and they hate each other with a vengeance) and says to his granddaughter loudly enough for the manager to overhear "look at this wall, see how well the boxes are coloured in? How the colour hasnt gone outside of the lines? Well if you practice hard enough you too can get a job colouring in boxes like these".

The manager got up from his desk and slammed his door shut :D
 

ashspet

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Buy that guy a beer from me!

:roflmao:
 

ryosuke

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space manager? sounds just like our supervisors or team leaders or whatever you call them. and they're often ernough not even good for properly colouring their boxes.
two weeks ago they gave us some new rulesets...which were already in effect since december '13...

sentence i overhear the most these days:"i have no clue anymore what the f*** is going on here!"
 

the Interceptor

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I had a nice conversation with two female colleagues during lunchbreak the other day.

*a colleague accidently drops part of his food to the floor, picks it up and suspiciously looks at it*

Woman 1: "You can still eat that, it was less than 5 seconds."

Woman 2: "Huh?"

Me: "Oh, I thought the 5 second rule was only valid for men, no?"

Woman 2: "5 second rule?"

Me: "Yeah, haven't you heard of it? What has been on the floor for less than 5 secs can still be eaten."

*She thinks for a second, looks at me and replies in a dead-serious manner*

Woman 2: "Pah, I'm from East Germany, we ate everything."

:lol:
 

MWF

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Colleague: This new customer of [name redacted] sounds like a right pretentious prick. In his email signature he has a note to say that his name is Will spelled with only one "L".

Me: If you ask me he sounds like a complete tosser. With one "S".
 

ashspet

Nothing to see here, move along people!
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I was reading out a complaint that had been received to the team. It was about the circular referencing of websites where site 1 says go to site 2 for more information, and site 2 says to go to site 1.

A line in the email went "...one of the more frustrating examples of departmental buck passing..."

From our Swiss ESL team member "What does fuck passing mean?"
 

That American Girl

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I was reading out a complaint that had been received to the team. It was about the circular referencing of websites where site 1 says go to site 2 for more information, and site 2 says to go to site 1.

A line in the email went "...one of the more frustrating examples of departmental buck passing..."

From our Swiss ESL team member "What does fuck passing mean?"
"Well, I'll need one other player and a stick of butter...."
 

AiR

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Phonecall
Me: The box is 1 x 1 x 1 meter.
Other end: how much is that in cubic meters?
 

MWF

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So this afternoon I got a message that one of my customers had phoned and wanted me to call back when I was free. After listening to their automated switchboard for about 6 minutes someone finally picked up.......

Her: Good afternoon XXXXXXX Law, how can I help?
Me: Yes could I speak to Tanya please, it's Matthew from XXXXXXXX returning her call.
Her: And what's the call regarding?

:wall:

Never have I had to bite my tongue as hard before responding as politely as I could through clenched teeth.
 
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