Killing Your Heart with Punisher Bass (56k go order pizza)

[Punisher Bass]

It would have to be done in this style.

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LQyVa3T_do[/YOUTUBE]

Kajun: Why do we have to spread the coals like that Bass?
SMACK!
PB: Because I said so! Now go get the matches so we can light this bitch up.

 

[KaJuN]

:lol: Damon Wayans is awesome!

Oh and good advice about the barbecuing wardrobe. I'll have to see if I can find one of those aprons with the bikini-clad woman's body printed on the front.

 

[Punisher Bass]

It's time for more Big Ass BBQ Special with EXPLOSIONS!!! edition. As promised, I have produced beer can chicken. But sadly, for the first time ever I can't stand behind my product 100%. Considering this was my first time making it, it didn't come out bad by any means, but it also didn't come out as good as I was expecting. While everyone who had it loved it, I know there's room for improvment.

I used the Food Network recpie as a jumping off point and went from there.

Software.
1 4-5lb whole chicken.
2 Tbs cooking oil.
1/2 Can of beer, your choice.
Salt.
Pepper.
Garlic salt.
Onion powder.
Brown sugar.

Open the chicken and rinse inside and out with cold water. Be damn sure to get in every flap because god only knows what is festering in there. Then you basically want to fist the chicken and yank out the giblets and whatever else is inside. I once saw a person cook a whole turkey for thanksgiving with the giblets inside thinking it was stuffing that it came with.

Put it on a plate and pat it dry. Next lightly coat the outside with the cooking oil. Next comes the rub. I just used the same basic rub of mine that I used for the ribs, so feel free to go your own direction with that.

Next you'll need a half can of beer. I had no cans of beer on hand, so I had to use a soda can that I just filled with beer. For this I used the new Bud Light with Lime, which isn't all that bad.

Now you want to basically perform a ****** on the chicken and shove the beer can inside it. Then you want to prop it up the best you can.

Take it outside and place it over indirect heat, we're aiming for 350 to 450. Once you have it standing up on it's own, close the lid and leave it alone for atleast 1 hour and 15 minutes. As always, KEEP THE DAMN LID CLOSED!

During this time I suggest you partake in a fine cigar (which Dutch Masters are not) and light some fireworks. It's best that you do this right after dusk so the whiney bitchy neighbors behind you don't call the cops to piss and moan.

When the time is up, stick a meat thermometer in the breast. If it reads 165 you are good to go. If not, close the lid and wait another 15 minutes. Now grab some hot pads or mits or something to grab the chicken with. As best you can, lift it off the grill and get it onto a plate so it can rest for 10 minutes.

Yank the beer dildo out carefully, it will be really really HOT. Slice it up and enjoy.

Now as I said at the begining, I can't say I'm totally proud of my creation. It's good, just not as good as I wanted it to be. It is very tender and juicy, but the rub didn't penetrate the skin very much, and it didn't have as strong a flavor I was looking for. Other people liked it, but I'm disapointed with it personally. So feel free to make some suggestions.

 

[Adunaphel]

I think one of your main problems is the skin of the beast doing what a skin is meant to do, which is keeping stuff out. And you didn't state wheter you rubbed it in and out or just the outside. What you could try is use a bit of oil with your rub to create a marinade, then scour the skin, marinate it for at least an hour and then put it on the grill.

 

[Punisher Bass]

I'll keep that in mind. I've been thinking about injecting something into the meat like apple cider next time around.

 

[The_Finn]

brine that chicken... seriously not only will it be crazy stupid moist but also flavorful...

LINKY this is a great overview of the process. i base most of my brines off this recipe i just add more spices and other liquids (beer and fruit juice) but i try to keep the liquid to salt ratio around the same

 

[Punisher Bass]

I've currently got a new and hopefully improved version of the chicken on the grill right now. Changes I've made are the beer (gone to regular bud light), the rub mix, and how I put the rub on. I used Adu's suggestion of mixing the rub with oil and then putting it on the chicken and letting it sit for a while. I also tweaked the ammount of spices in the rub. When time is up I'll also put some KC on there.

In other news, the grill suffered some damage a few days ago. During a really bad bad bad thunderstorm that came out of nowhere, the grill was blown over and onto the edge of my patio. I didn't have time to lock the wheels before it hit because it came on so fast. I was up in my room and heard a large crash outside, I looked out the window and saw what had happened. So I ran out there weather be damned and got it right side up.

But there are now 2 or 3 nice dents in it and the frame is a little tweaked. I don't know if there will be a claim on homeowners insurance or not, it's a $600-$700 grill, but it may not be worth it because of the deductable. At the least I'll try and bang it back into shape and hit the dents with some high heat engine enamle paint to keep it from rusting. It just pisses me off that it's been damaged like that.

 

[Punisher Bass]

Here's a new one, and it's not BBQ this time. It's fried chicken tenderloins with a bonus drink recipe. First, the booze.

Amaretto Stone Sour. Easy to make and they taste pretty damn good.

You need a normal sized glass. Amaretto, any brand will do. Sweet and Sour mix. Orange juice. The ammounts are not exact because you can throttle them up or down depending on the taste you're after. I like it just slightly more on the sweet side vs sour.

1 Part Amaretto.

3 Parts Sweet and Sour mix.

2 Parts OJ.

Give it a stir and drink. If you want it sweeter add more OJ, more sour pour in more mix.

Now we cook.

Before we get started, know that this can be used as a basic outline for southern fried chicken, but when I make that I typically go more indepth.
These are very cheap to make, the 5lb bag of chicken runs about $6 at Aldi's, and taste damn good.

Hardware.
1 Large cast iron pan. It's gotta be cast iron.
2 Large plates.
1 Large fork.
2 Bowls, one needs to have a lid.

Software.
Chicken. Obviously.
AP Flour.
1 Egg.
Salt.
Pepper.
Milk.
Crisco/vegtable shortening.

The chicken is frozen so I had to thaw it out first. I'm skipping over this part becuase you should know not to try and fry frozen food. Grab however much you plan to make and give it a good rinsing. Lay it on a papertowel and pat it dry.

Take the skillet and turn the burner to med/med high. Plop in a few spoonfulls of Crisco and allow it to melt. If it starts to smoke get the pan off of there and turn down the heat.

Take a bowl and crack open the egg. Pour in a LITTLE bit of milk and then scramble it up. Take the other bowl and pour in some flour. How much flour you need all depends on how much chicken you're making. I used about a cup. Throw in some salt and pepper, put the lid on, and then give it a good shake to mix everything up.

The Crisco should be all melted by now. Take a peice of chicken and lay it in the egg batter. Make sure it's coverd on both sides and then lay it in the flour. Put the lid on again and shake the shit out of it. This is an easy and quick way to cover it evenly in flour and it doesn't make a mess. Place it in the pan and then do the same to the others.

And as I always say, cooking time will vary depending on the meat and the stove. But a good rule of thumb is about 3-5 minutes. Flip them over when the underside looks like this.

Wait another few minutes and flip them again. They should now look like this.

Flip again, wait, and flip one last time. When they reach this color they are done.

 

[vRS]

Really like that chicken recipe so I think ill try it with some homemade chips on Wednesday.

 

[Punisher Bass]

I feel the need to mention something about cast iron pans. A lot of people don't know that you need to cure/season them when you first get them and then about once a year after that. Here is an easy guide on how to do it.

View: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qfvj2hyHQXA
Do this and it will basically last forever. The cast iron pan you've seen me use for the pork chops and chicken is several times older than I am. It first belonged to my great grandma and has been passed on down from generation to generation. I have several other bits of cast iron in my collection and all of them are incredibly old.

 

[Punisher Bass]

It's time to shift gears a little bit and move away from the dinner stuff. So we are going to move onto breakfast. First up will be waffles. These are easy to make, easier if you cheat a little bit like I did. By cheating I mean using Bisquick, I don't make these enough to have a batch of homemade mix at the ready. I do however have some tweaks that improve the end result.

Hardware.

Waffle iron. One that is round and made of metal is the best. The hold the heat in much better and cook much more evenly vs one that is square and made of plastic. This one is kind of old and only has two settings, off and on, no heat selection.
Measuring cup.
Measuring spoons.
1 Large bowl.
1 Large spoon.

Optional.
1 Small plate.
1 Small pastry brush.
1 Small set of tongs.

I need the above because the nonstick coating on the iron isn't what it used to be. So I use the plate to hold a little cooking oil which I then brush onto the top and bottom of the iron so the waffle won't stick and be torn to shreads. The tongs just make removing it a little easier.

Software.

Milk.
Cooking oil.
Bisquick.
1 Egg.
Sugar.
Vanilla flavoring.

Start by plugging in the waffle iron so it can get nice and hot. In the bowl pour in 2 cups of Bisquick, 2 1/3 cups of milk, the egg, 2 tbps (that's tablespoons) of oil, 2 tbps of sugar, 1/2 tbps of vanilla. The last two bits are my own personal tweaks that improve the taste of the waffles.

Mix it up untill you no longer have any big lumps left, if there are a few small ones don't worry about it, they will cook out.

Lube up the iron if need be and then pour on the batter. How much will depend on how big your iron is, but for me it's about 1/2 cup.

Close the lid and wait about 5 minutes. After that time they should look like this.

Throttle the time or temp (if you have that option) up or down depending on how crisp you like your waffles.

Spread a little butter and pour on some syrup and enjoy.

 

[IceBone]

You VANDAL! You killed them!

 

[Crazyjeeper]

That look delicious, but I wouldn't mash it up. I fill each square with syrup and eat them one or two at a time.

 

[NooDle]

That look delicious, but I wouldn't mash it up. I fill each square with syrup and eat them one or two at a time.

yeah exactly. Why would you go to the trouble of making nice looking waffles if you destroy them right afterwards?

 

[Punisher Bass]

I can't believe this is an issue for some people. Where I come from, it doesn't matter if the food presented isn't all nice and pretty, but how it tastes. I don't see the point behind making food on a plate look nice when it's just going to be eaten anyway.

 

[IceBone]

That's cause you live in Illionois. It's obvious you don't care about presentation, you drive a Park Avenue, ffs.

 

[Adunaphel]

I can't believe this is an issue for some people. Where I come from, it doesn't matter if the food presented isn't all nice and pretty, but how it tastes. I don't see the point behind making food on a plate look nice when it's just going to be eaten anyway.

Because a nicely presented plate looks a million times more appetizing than a spoonful of grub on a dirty plate.

 

[racingfan1]

Doesn't bother me. I'd rather have the grub on a plate over a nicely prepared meal. Nicely prepared meals, to me atleast, tell me someone's more concerned with looks than taste.

 

[Firecat]

yeah exactly. Why would you go to the trouble of making nice looking waffles if you destroy them right afterwards?

A friend of mine does that too. Like in a restaurant when he gets his food, he cuts it into pieces then eats.

I'm probably also pretty weird. If I have 3 items on a plate, I will finish one first...move to the next...move to the next.

 

[Punisher Bass]

I've been making a lot of these as of late, so I figured why not just do an entry for them. Bacon Cheeseburgers.

These are almost exactly the same as the sauced burgers I made a few pages back. The prep work, spices, and cooking method are all the same so just use that as your guide. The only new things you need for this are 2 slices of american cheese and 4 strips of bacon cut in half.

That's basically it.

As I said, cooking the burgers is the same as last time, but the bacon be a little tricky. While I always say you need to keep the lid closed, you can't do that here. As we all know bacon is very fatty and that can cause a grease fire, it can also get burned in a big hurry. So I wouldn't keep the lid closed for more than a minute at a time, you need to keep a constant eye on it so the above doesn't happen.

The bacon will probably be done before the burgers are so it needs to be moved to the back of the grill where it can be kept warm but will not keep cooking.

When the burgers are ready, lay down the cheese and wait a minute or two so it can melt a little and then lay on the bacon. Place the burgers on the buns and it's time to enjoy.