Wacky Races - RACE THREAD

Team Rf1's car has not fared well after the Earth-encompassing earthquake. The nuclear reactor is only running at 7% capacity, and all radio transmissions are down. We have, however, made way into France and by our calculations, only 30 minutes to an hour behind the main group.
 
After filling the Metro up and letting it cool down, I'm closer to the mountain than I've ever been. Following the signs, I drive onto an unpaved road, and soon I reach a white high gate that blocks the way. I get out of the Austin and walk closer to it, only to find an intercom system. I press the button, and the mono speaker beeps loudly and exclaims "Welcome to the VonSmythe vacuum tunnel. Please state your FG username, your type of vehicle and why you want to enter the tunnel in a clear voice".
I answer back "Final Daihatsu, driving a beige 1983 Austin Metro Vanden Plas, registration number 51-669-83 on Israeli plates, and I'm here to win a race"
Silence..

"Thank you for using another VonSmythe's contributes to the world. Please drive slowly to the visitor entrances where you will get a special magnetic card that will allow you to travel through the public sections of the tunnel. Also, please be careful of timewarps"
The gate opens. Eyebrows raised, I hurry back to the car.
 
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY BROADCAST FROM THE FINAL GEAR RACE OFFICIALS

Due to a malfunction with an experimental race feature, several teams have accidentally been scattered throughout different time periods. Your team may have been sent back as little as 10 minutes, or as much as 10 million years+. We request that all drivers try to remain calm while we solve the problem. Teams may conyinue to suffer from further random temporal displacement until the problem is fixed.
 
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Suddenly, there's another white flash and we're transported back to what I believe is current day. We hurry towards Assen to find out for sure and ask someone who was walking besides the track: "Erm... what happened today?" And we're told "Yamaha 1-2 with Rossi winning".

Oh joy. Normal service has been resumed.
 
As Jessie inspects the surroundings, shi sees something different of the sky. The sun spread it's flares through the landscape as usual, but that was not all. It's brightness was diminished, yet the temperature was as regular as ever. Two sparks of light accompanied it either side, each as glaring as the other. Shi looks north, and she saw a wasteland. Tiny conical structures of organic material littered the plain. Yet all are dwarfed by the center of the settlement, a citadel-like structure dwarfed everything. And at the top of that, masses wide, an image of the distinctive figure of Count Wilheim Von Smythe etched onto a stone wall.

Jessie: "OK, this is weird."

They were suddenly surrounded. The centipede-like organisms crowded in every direction, all desperate to take a look, figuratively speaking that is. Not one had eyes. The body that approached them from the beginning was still carrying that button-like device, trying to direct it with it's trunk to the top of Clay's head.

Jessie: "I think he wants you to put it in your ear."

Clay reluctantly does so with hesitation, and those high-pitched screeching became words. He could murmurs of "messiah" being darted around, echoing over the forest.

The creature spoke.

"Welcome."
 
With normal timing and positioning restored, I leave the two drivers I have with experience of endurance racing to share the driving during the night, alternating in double-stints.

I'm knackered. Thankfully, there's a tiny sound-proofed comfy spot in the Espace where I can lie down and rest.


This is Team Espace, over and out for the night. Expect the next status report in the morning.
 
After spending the last few hours of driving across endless nothingness, Team Marlboro Avus realise they have in fact been driving across the Kalahari Desert for most of the race as a result of somehow being sent back in space, not time. The team is now trying to buy an airlift out of the Botswanian Air Force to get back into the race.
 
Clay: "Where are we?"

"On a distant planet. We are the Glorbibats. The earpiece I gave you is a brainwave translator."

Clay (eyeing the rest of the team putting their earpieces on): "But... how..."

Glorbibat: "We heard about how you acquired plasma thrust blueprints. Those weren't plasma thrust blueprints."

Clay stops. A whirring drone approaches. A horde of white and grey spreads through the horizon.

Glorbibat: "(panicking) We have to seek refuge. I'll talk to you there."
 
I arrived at the main entrance to the tunnel. There's no one here... what's going on?, I think to myself. Fortunately enough, the machines are mostly automatic, so I get out of the Austin and go get myself a card. When I get back, I do everything normally - aka putting seatbelt, releasing handbrake, then I press the clutch in order to get into gear. But something's wrong... the clutch goes without resistance right into the floor. Too easily... I try to engage first, but I can't. Oh FFS, the clutch cable had snapped, I think in annoyance. I open the boot and start searching for the spare clutch cable.


But then something weird happens. Everything becomes lighter... and whiter.... I'm not on land anymore, so is the Metro... and everything fades into white.
 
"Wadsworth, as much as I'd like to relive my wonderful youth here in the 30s, can you please get us out of here. I do have a race to win, you know."
"Sir, I recommend we stay for just a while longer."*Twisted smile*
"Wadsworth, why do I have a feeling you have one of your ridiculous ideas again?"
"Sir, we are in the 1930s. You have knowledge from the future."
"Yes yes. Get to the point."
"Kill Nereid's ancestors and prevent the Kuiper race team from ever forming, sir."
"Wadsworth, I'm impressed."

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :evil:
 
Shatner: What happened?
Lupin: I donno. Where are we?
Shatner: *pointing out the window* What's that?!?
Lupin: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.
 
There is a shack in the woods.
???Nereid???

"Wadsworth, kill the residents of this building. Then burn it to the ground."
"But sir, what if someone is not home?"
"I'm sending a pigeon to an old friend in Berlin. He will take care of any remaining stragglers. You see, it's good to have connections in history, Wadsworth."
 
Botswana did not want us to use their aircraft for a 'silly competition.' Luckily for us, Donington was actually born in Rhodesia, but the country itself disappeared for some reason shortly afterwards. Nonetheless, it seems that our only hope now is to find Rhodesia.
 
FINAL GEAR WACKY RACE ANNOUNCEMENT

Service personnel at the Final Gear HQ have fixed the time circuits. All teams will be transported to the present at 20:00:00 GMT. We must also issue this warning that all teams will reappear within 10 metres of each other. Please take care.
 
I wake up lying face-down on flawless tarmac. the Metro is parked neatly on the side of the road, still with the bootlid open. I'm not in a tunnel anymore. Instead, I'm in what looks like an enormous bubble that extends beyond sight, like some sort of distorted sky. There aren't cars on the roads; instead there are things that look remotely similar to the Audi from I-Robot. Everyone looks at the old Metro like it's some marvel of nature. Someone asks me if I rebuilt it myself. "Rebuilt? why would I need to rebuilt it? it's only 26 years old, and it still pretty much works".

"26 years?" the man laughs. "if it's original, it's over 60 years old now!" he says as if he talks about weather. "Wait, what year is this now?" I ask. "Err... 2047," Says the man, looking a bit worried now.

TIMEWARPS? I panic. ARE YOU BONKERS, VONSMYTHE?. I take a look on the Metro, and suddenly I notice a note held by the wipers. I take it out and read.

"Dear wacky race participant,

This is a test to see whether you are really suitable for this race. Find your way back to 2009. Hint: be original!

Good luck,
The Final Gear race officials"
 
^It's 8:46PM GMT right now.

Glorbibat (sighting a rock crevice): "Quick, hide in here."

As they clamber in, the creature begins to explain.

Glorbibat: "In 1953 of your Earth calendar, a ship landed in Geneva. That ship belonged to us. For years, the Swiss government in conjunction with Von Smythe kept us secret. Our pilots were tortured and experimented on."

Clay: "This day is just getting weirder and weirder..."

Glorbibat: "Remember when Smythe organised a partnership with Davros when your team hired the Doctor?"

(Clay nods)

Glorbibat: "That was just an excuse for it to go public. He's been in talks with that monster ever since the end of last year. He needed a workforce and technology far beyond human capabilities. Unfortunately, we were chosen to provide that. Our people were enslaved. That thrust drive? That was a portal. A portal we developed. It was a portal to allow Von Smythe to make regular visits here. He passed the blueprints to you in an attempt to get rid of you. That's why we have English language earpieces. And that's why we need you to win, for the good of our people."

Clay: "Ur look, could you help us get back?"

Glorbibat: "Where's your car?"
 
Originality? Goddamn it, I'm in Paris 30 years from now! I think. Originality...


Be Original....

I look to the distance, and there it was, standing with all its pride - the Eiffel tower, with its shape exactly the same as it looked last time I saw it.. in 2009. It's original! an idea comes to mind. I jump to the car, start it, then find out that I still haven't put the clutch cable yet. I go out, install it within minutes (engine is so small), and I go on my way to the Eiffel tower.
 
Clay: Wha? It's right over... Oh crap.

Jessie: It appears that we have abandoned the car.

Clay: With Seb in it...

Seb: *French translation: On* "I am never doing this race again..."
 
Eiffel tower is now within close distance. Everyone sees the old Metro in their rear view mirrors (or cameras?) and rush to the sides of the roads as though I'm driving some ambulance. Engine shouts loudly and I drive onto the main grounds beneath the Eiffel. I see a black circle on the ground, positioned perfectly beneath the tip of the tower. I drive to it, hoping that this is what I'm supposed to do.... and everything becomes white and weightless again.
 
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