Random Thoughts....

OK time for a bit of Navel Gazing. ... And thankyou the independent Newspaper.

16 of the things that make Ukania Great. ... :lol:

1. Alcopops (Of course, no market town is complete in England without loads of drunk teenagers making everyone's life a through misery on a Friday and Saturtday night following an AlcoPop drink fest - obviously the best thing about Ukania).

2. Allottments (Like a kind of poor man's golf club)

3. Apologising (For the older generation only - young Ukanians think that they are Americans who do not apologise, ever)

4. The Archers (Trum te dum te dum te dum, tra te dum ti daaaaaa dum etc.)

5. Bandstands (The discarded condoms, the crushed cans of lager and the remains of a joint on the floor: nothing says relic of an age gone by quite like a bandstand.)

6. The Blanket (No picnic, car journey or bed and breakfast stay is truly complete without the blanket. This sometimes itchy sign of our defiance of all things European is our woollen riposte to that foreign invader, the continental quilt, the very name of which implies a deep distrust.)

7. Cargoules (These waterproof coats are an essential for anyone planning a day out in Britain. Whether you own a ?200 designer version or one that folds up into itself and comes from the pound shop, you should carry your cagoule with you on any walk or visit to a theme park or beach.

Married couples in Ukania are required by law to wear matching cagoules and these should be worn with matching jumpers if at all possible. Bridal cagoules are available for summer weddings and two-person models are available for the dogging community.)

8. CARAVANNING (Hated by television petrolhead Jeremy Clarkson [and Cobol74] and loved by former foreign secretary Margaret Becket, caravanning brings the British characteristic of amateurism to holidaying. After all, why stay at a hotel when you can tow around a small tin can that contains a chemical toilet and a foldout bed? Most true caravan enthusiasts carry a small tartan flask with them, so that the police can be sure they are not new age travellers or Gypsies.)

9. The Corner Shop (No British community is complete without its corner shop. The shop need not actually be situated on the corner of a street to be considered a corner shop, but it should provide the focus for a community by providing overpriced items that you may have forgotten to pick up from the out-of town superstore. Principal among these items are Pringles, Bourbon biscuits, cigarettes, pornographic magazines and bizarre cakes you never see anywhere but in corner shops.

10. Crumpets (As with most baked goods in the UK, there is an almighty bloody row just bubbling beneath the surface over the naming, appearance and origins of crumpets. Some say they are those things with holes in that look like a circular bath sponge, which you cover in butter, jam or something savoury, but others say that they are thin and floppy ? more kitchen scourer than sponge.

Those in the Midlands confuse matters further by calling anything vaguely crumpet-like, a pikelet. I mean, can't we all just get along? Crumpet is also slang for an attractive woman, though the word is now more associated with the attractive older woman.)

11. Dining at the roadside (As you travel around Ukanian roads you will realise that many of us find it hard to get from town to town without the need to stop off for a warm snack and a mug of strong tea. Roadside catering vans dot the A-roads of Britain, offering the difficult choice between a sausage sandwich and a bacon sandwich, as well as between both colours of sauce.)

12. Dogging (It perhaps says a great deal about us that one of our most recently celebrated sexual deviancies involves standing around in a car park watching other people have sex. This may seem odd, but look how much we like being close to our cars. Just visit any beauty spot in the UK and you will find a family having a picnic next to their car, with their backs resolutely turned on the beauty spot in a silent protest against its showiness.)

13. Thermos Flasks (Whether you are attending a picnic in June or a football match in January then a flask is an essential piece of kit for keeping your tea or your oxtail soup at the correct temperature. The most British of flasks is the tartan variety, possibly showing the odd dent from picnic frivolity past or from when you had to use it to defend yourself against a gang of Millwall fans at London Bridge station [NB not a pretty sight].)

14. Garden Gnomes (The garden gnome is actually a German invention, but let's ignore that, shall we? After all, we did finally let Prince Philip bring over his German relations for his diamond wedding anniversary in 2007. The humble gnome, whether he is fishing, pushing a wheelbarrow or simply basking in the sun, has grown in popularity since his introduction in the mid-19th century, and these garden ornaments now are a symbol of the British suburban garden. Frowned upon as unspeakably common by some.)

15. Jumble Sales (Jumble sales attract mainly the elderly, though fashion students and antique collectors do attend on the off-chance of finding a Vivienne Westwood original or the odd Ming vase. Fleas, lice and moths are other favoured items that visitors take home with them.)

16. Morris Dancing (Debate still rages over whether or not the name of the style of dance most associated with Britain (though it is more or less exclusively English) derives from "Moorish dancing" or if it was simply dreamt up by some bloke called Morris who was a bit odd.
 
Last edited:
Cobol74 said:
4. The Archers (Trum te dum te dum te dum, tra te dum ti daaaaaa dum etc.)
Click to expand...

the bit you'll want is 0:18

9. The Corner Shop (No British community is complete without its corner shop. The shop need not actually be situated on the corner of a street to be considered a corner shop, but it should provide the focus for a community by providing overpriced items that you may have forgotten to pick up from the out-of town superstore. Principal among these items are Pringles, Bourbon biscuits, cigarettes, pornographic magazines and bizarre cakes you never see anywhere but in corner shops.
Click to expand...

again, the bit you'll want is at 0:30
 
jedd_kenobi said:
pretty much my reaction to whenever i see the Antiques Roadshow.
Click to expand...

I watched Th'Antiques Roadshow last week. Some crazy wifey was dragging a glass case wi' a stuffed an' mounted Terrier dog thing that some Lord had owned when it were living. Then he had it stuffed. 2nd worst piece of taxidermy I've ever clapped eyes on it were. The 1st worst piece is currently situated over the dining room door of the manor house I work at; of a Stag that looks like it's wall-eyed.
 
Last edited:
Shirahime said:
Show Me the Monet, what a telly programme. It's kinda funny, some of the shite folk tek on there saying it's "art" is just ridiculous.
Click to expand...

On the other hand I really liked some of it. The painting of the fight in the boardroom was fantastic IMO. Mind you, I happen to like that kind of thing, like Jack Vettriano's work, for example, and the whole 40s "vibe" (maaaan).
 
Shirahime said:
I watched Th'Antiques Roadshow last week. Some crazy wifey was dragging a glass case wi' a stuffed an' mounted Terrier dog thing that some Lord had owned when it were living. Then he had it stuffed. 2nd worst piece of taxidermy I've e ER clapped eyes on it were. The 1st worst piece is currently situated o ER the dining room door of the manor house I work at; of a Stag that looks like it's wall-eyed.
Click to expand...

really? only one i've got is of a sales person who made the mistake of knocking on the door when Doctor Who was on. he's now used as a warning to the next person who tries and sells me something.
 
NoNeedForAChestWig said:
On the other hand I really liked some of it. The painting of the fight in the boardroom was fantastic IMO. Mind you, I happen to like that kind of thing, like Jack Vettriano's work, for example, and the whole 40s "vibe" (maaaan).
Click to expand...

I kinda have a love/hate relationship with art. As in I love to hate it an' stay away from most forms of art like the plague. I detest modern art mainly 'cause I reckon it can't mek it's mind up an' I don't like sharp edges. Though if I had to mention any faves I'd say Cezanne (I fucking hate his still lifes though, in fact I hate still life in general) Short-Man Lautrec an me all time fave, Mucha.
 
Yeah, personally, I'm not a fan of the whole Impressionist period. It's either classical or modern art for me.

Anyways, ooh look. Someone has tagged a photo of me on Facebook. (clicks)

tumblr_meme_faces_poker_face_RE_my_first_post-s257x244-154573.jpg


Wow, I look weird. I look like a cross between a praying mantis and Dr. Honeydew with fever. Despite being 16, I look old enough to be someone's dad. And not in a good way.
 
Got my TV back. The shop ordered a new mainboard for it and since it only has a dead HDMI-port I can use it while waiting for the part. I'm glad this thing is under warranty, otherwise I'd probably be looking for a new TV again.
 
Welcome to Friday the 13th
 
Meh. I've already had a crappy day. Any bad luck is welcome to have a go. Anything comes near me and i'll rip its fucking nipples off.
 
calvinhobbes said:
Thanks... though it can't get much worse for me than the 12th. Being able to get out of bed would be nice.
Click to expand...

Not a word you hear often around here these days. I used to get absolutely horrid lower back pain for years. Would get to the stage that even lying down was almost impossible. Doctors had no clue, spent way too much money trying to find out what the hell was wrong. Finally, went to a podiatrist, got orthodics, never looked back.
 
Problem: I don't really care for anime. At all. But i do want to know what all this "Initial D" hype is about.

Luckily, the Japanese thought of people like me and invented OVA. A 45-minute roundup of the whole first two seasons? Brilliant!
 
Hemihead said:
Face Of Boe it was. I stand corrected.
Click to expand...

I would have to double check, but....

(Dr. Who spoilers for anyone who is several seasons behind)
I thought it was the Face of Beau - "beau" being a term of endearment. I thought it was revealed that the Face of Beau was actually a future Capt. Jack Harkness, since he can't die.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top